Chapter 19: Chapter 6
21st of June (Tuesday)
There must have been a significant problem with earth's gravity today. Since the flow of time was so much slower than usual, I was certain of it. If someone told me that this was a reality-changing phenomenon caused by the progress of humanity's scientific standard, then I might actually believe them and become an environmentalist as a result.
Classes finally ended, after I'd felt like they'd never arrive. In other words, it was time for the supplementary exams. Since tomorrow was the end-of-term ceremony, everything we discussed in class went into my left ear and out of my right. I don't even remember what I talked to Maru about during recess, let alone the taste of the bread I ate. I suppressed the urge to immediately ask Ayase-san about her results, and I remained alone in the classroom until I finally came to my senses.
…No, this is definitely too much meddling. I'd just be a bother. Over these past few days, I tried my best so that Ayase-san would do great for this exam. That being said, immediately running over to ask her for the results was bad manners. I'll meet her at home anyway. It's not like I only see her at school, so there's no need to rush.
"I've got my part-time work as well, so time to head home." After my head calmed down a bit, I muttered these words to myself in the empty classroom.
Of course, I don't often talk to myself like that, but it was necessary to get me to move from this classroom. Feeling a bit bashful, I grabbed my bag and left the school.
In the end, even during my time at work, I was unable to focus on anything, which ended awfully. I made mistakes at the register, and I made other novice mistakes, which hasn't happened since I started working here. It's been a while since I've had to apologize to a customer.
"Junior-kun, are you okay?"
"…Probably. I'll be taking my leave now."
Even when Yomiuri-senpai called out to me with a faint glimmer of worry in her voice, I gave a brief response, nothing more. Of course, I knew that I had to be a bit more careful when riding home on my bicycle, but I somewhat made it home safely. Even so, I found myself pedalling harder, almost like I was trying to get home as quickly as possible. I wonder why? I wasn't even that curious about my own exam results.
With these thoughts in my mind, I arrived at the apartment complex, headed up the elevator, and headed towards my own home.
—Clack!
When I pulled on the doorknob, I felt like my shoulders were about to give in, and a dull sound reached my ears. The door that should be open didn't move an inch, the lock preventing me from opening it. Weird, I thought.
Whenever I came back from part-time work, Ayase-san would leave the front door open. She always told me to keep my key with me to help prevent crime, but the entrance to this complex already had an auto lock, which made it almost impossible for anyone not authorized to enter, and it'd just be annoying for both parties if I had to ring the bell because I forgot my keys or lost them. We had both agreed that this was much more efficient.
In the end, it seemed like she was just being considerate of me, not forcing me to remember to bring a key to unlock the door after a hard shift at work… but that might just be my imagination. Either way, the door was locked, so I took my key out and unlocked it. It seems like the lock itself is working.
"I'm back... Ayase-san?" I called out to her as I stepped inside.
The inside of the apartment was pitch black. I turned on the lights and walked down the hallway towards the living room. Until I turned on the lights there, it was dark as well. I couldn't pick up the presence of anyone except for me. When I took a peek inside the kitchen, there weren't any traces of someone else having dinner, let alone preparations for one. I assumed that she may be sleeping, so I went to her room, but the door was closed, so I couldn't check up on her.
When I checked the shoe rack at the entrance, her shoes were nowhere to be found. Of course, nor were those of Akiko-san or my old man, meaning that I was the only one at home right now. When I checked the clock, it was half past 9pm. Not once had Ayase-san still been out this late.
I felt a chill run down my back. What if her exams had been so awful that she was dealing with the shock? Maybe it's because of a certain romance movie with a tragic ending I had watched recently, but my mind immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion. I wanted to believe that she was at least safe. However, her stoic personality might even be a risk to her own wellbeing. The reason I had been restless all day, wanting to know how her exams went, was probably related to this feeling.
A thorough and almost pathological rational thought process. Hating her own disposition, she wants to keep up flexibility to the level where it turns abnormal. This kind of self-denial is definitely not healthy. From her point of view and method of doing things, relying on Narasaka-san or I for her studies was out of the question. Now, what would happen if, after she stretched herself to such an extent, the exam results were not good enough?
"...!"
Before I had even thought about what I was doing, I had already sent her a LINE message.
'Where are you right now?'
Of course, these words were utterly ridiculous. In order to guarantee a smooth family relationship with Ayase-san, these were the words I had never wanted to use. But, in this situation, these words were the only ones I could rely on, no matter how much I might hate them. I don't want to regret anything, so even if I embarrass myself, that much is fine.
Five seconds—Ten seconds—Fifteen seconds—And then one minute. She didn't even read the message. No change showed on my LINE screen.
This won't do. I can't wait. I can't sit still. I dashed to the entrance, threw on my shoes, pulled open the door with a force I wouldn't expect of myself, and jumped out into the hallway. I pressed the button to call the elevator, which was at ground floor, and waited. Tap, Tap. I found myself tapping the toes of my foot on the ground. It was laughable how nervous I was. The longer the elevator took to get to my floor, the faster I tapped my foot on the ground.
I'm aware that I've just been influenced by too many novels, and watched too many movies. Young people nowadays get ridiculed for things like getting drunk on vague heroism. In reality, such tragic developments hardly ever happen. However, it's also true that nearly 200 highschool students each year choose to take their own life. Irresponsible, unrelated people would question their reason for doing so, but for the person themselves, it could be enough of a reason to give up on life.
It's 'only' 200 out of more than three million high school students. Nothing but a small fraction at best. But if you argue that, is Ayase-san really someone who's part of a majority? Clearly not. Maybe I feel this way because I barely have any experience dealing with strangers, but her personality and her actions seem different. To a degree where joining the ranks of 200 people wouldn't be too unrealistic.
Ding! An ordinary sound pulled me out of my panicked thoughts. The elevator arrived. The door opened, and when I was about to rush inside, I almost bumped into the person stepping out of it.
"Woah."
"Ah…"
We both tried to dodge each other, which is why we ended up taking our distance with an odd pose. The other person moved back further into the elevator, and I took a detour to the side, stepping inside as well. In the end, both of us ended up in the elevator. We both fixed our postures, and when we confirmed each other's faces, our mouths opened in shock.
"Um… Ayase…san?"
"Asamura-kun? Where are you going at such a time?"
Standing deeper in the elevator was a highschool girl, with her student bag in one hand, and a shopping bag in the other, still wearing a school uniform. This girl, Ayase-san, looked at me with wide eyes.
"Ahh, well, um, you know, how do I say this?"
The words wouldn't come out of my mouth. I couldn't tell her that I had been influenced by a movie that drove me to act like a hero, and I was worried sick for her. All I heard was the sound of the elevator door closing, like it was making fun of me.
That's right, just like how the cool and dry Ayase-san in front of me isn't a little sister character out of some fictional world, the incidents that happen in reality are most often barely anything to even consider, which was why a wonderfully romantic scene of the hero running to save the heroine would never happen in this world. This reality wasn't one offered on the highest floor of a high-rise building with a beautiful view, nor on a small hill with beautiful night scenery, but rather the dull inside of an elevator at the apartment both of us lived in.
"You weren't home, and I couldn't get in touch with you, either. I thought the exams were so awful that you were crying to yourself…" I chose my words carefully.
Confessing that I was worried her life had been in danger would make me embarrassed for the rest of my life.
"Ahaha, so I made you worry. I'm sorry about that." Ayase-san faintly snickered and apologized.
And then she cast her face down slightly.
"The exams, huh? Well, honestly speaking… the results weren't that great, I guess."
"Huh?"
So that's why she was out this long? When I started thinking that, Ayase-san put down her shopping bag, opened up her student bag, and took a single piece of paper—94 points. If I remember correctly, the number of points you needed to pass was 80.
"So you passed. Don't scare me like that."
"You had 96 points, right? I couldn't win, so I'm a bit frustrated."
"That's what you mean? Sheesh."
Ayase-san was pouting in annoyance, but I could only sigh in relief. Still, she wanted to beat my score in a subject she was at a distinct disadvantage at. Ayase-san's stoic attitude really is something else.
"Sorry that I made you worry. I was out shopping… at a different store from usual." She lifted up the shopping bag she had put on the floor, showing it off.
Shown on there was the logo of a department store in Shibuya.
"You went all the way to the department store?"
"Yup. They had a sale on some high-class ingredients, cheaper than at the supermarket. Don't worry, even if I buy cheaper food, the quality won't suffer."
"I'd expect no less from you."
"I'm a provisional housewife after all, so it's the least I can do."
"That's a weird thing to call it."
"I thought that this might be the best title for what this feels like. I don't plan on only doing housework for the rest of my days, but right now, I'm basically doing the work of a housewife."
"That does make sense, yeah."
That being said, I never thought I'd hear Ayase-san use that exact term. It's almost like I was talking with Yomiuri-senpai, so I'd prefer some kind of lead-in. Then again, even if I'm mentally prepared, Senpai is still hard to deal with.
"But why did you go to the department store in the first place? Were you trying to celebrate how well you did on the exam?"
"50 points. You got half of it correct."
"So what would be the correct answer?"
"It's my way of thanking you, Asamura-kun… That way of phrasing it might make me sound condescending, but I wanted to be honest for once." Ayase-san averted her eyes trailing off into a mutter.
"I didn't do anything that would deserve any gratitude. It was just part of our exchange. I wasn't really able to grant any part of your wish."
"Just for this one exam, you did a lot for me. You found this lofi working BGM music, you helped me find a way to study my Modern Japanese problems. You even made dinner yesterday."
"You've made food for me practically every day for the past month, so I don't think I've made up for anything yet."
"I told you, I'm more on the giving side of give & take. A famous bank worker said to pay back any favor double, right?"
"Wasn't that used in the context of revenge?"
"The only difference is between positivity and negativity. In the end, it's the same as revenge. I want you to enjoy something really delicious today."
"Ayase-san…"
She really is upright. From my point of view, I would have to come up with even more to really repay her for everything she's done. But Ayase-san is trying to pay me back instead. Just how much do I have to do in order to end this endless giving from my step-sister and have her accept something from her older brother? Of course, from the perspective of an older brother with an actual little sister who's constantly troubling him, this might be a rather good problem to have, but it is what it is.
While I was thinking to myself, Ayase-san spoke up, her tone having dropped compared to before.
"Or… is it that you won't rely on other people unless they're an older Senpai of yours?"
"Huh?" I was forced to return a dumbfounded voice, unable to process the words I had just heard.
Of course, there is only one name that popped up in my head when I heard 'older Senpai': Yomiuri Shiori, my Senpai at my part-time job.
...Huh? I wonder why. Something hazy like a gloomy feeling started to rise from the depths of my heart. I don't really understand why, but just looking at Ayase-san's expression assaulted me with an awkward feeling.
"Yomiuri-senpai? Why would you bring Senpai up now?"
"She's the person you entrust your back to, Asamura-kun. As far as I know, she's the only one."
"I mean, we have a lot of shifts together at work."
The more I spoke, the drier my throat became. Even though I was only speaking the truth, it made me feel like I was lying. I shook my head. What am I thinking? Is this some kind of side effect from worrying about Ayase-san? My heart is beating uncomfortably hard. For a second, yet another stupid thought entered my mind. Maybe I'm the character in the movie who's about to die. My mental state is helpless, I know.
"You can rely on me. Just like you rely on that person at work. You can rely on me at home. How about you just consider this a selfish request from your little sister?" Ayase-san gently tilted her head, like she really was a younger little sister.
I was shocked to see such a devilish gesture coming from her, but the thought of this request being more altruistic than anything caused me to make a wry smile to myself. But, as an older brother, this is where I should give in.
"So for today, if I accept the cooking honestly, it'll be mission clear?"
"Yup, I'd be happy if you did." Ayase-san said, nodding in a satisfied manner.
I personally think it's kind of weird to be on the giving end and yet feel this happy about my positive response. But this is reality, not some story, which is why cause and effect aren't portrayed quite so clearly. Our intentions aren't openly written in a text bubble in some manga. Just like manmade objects and objects of nature can create a distorted dichotomy, this mismatched feeling is exactly what makes reality feel like reality.
"…How long are we going to stand here?"
"I know, right. I'm glad nobody else called for the elevator."
The elevator had stayed in this same position the entire time, making it seem like we were trying to prank someone else. Reminded of this ridiculous and secretive situation we found ourselves in, we both laughed, and managed to escape our confines with a single press of a button. The fact that we didn't get into a quarrel either only emphasized the reality we lived in.
We entered our home, and while Ayase-san started preparing for dinner, a certain question popped up in my mind.
"That reminds me, there is one more thing I wanted to ask."
"What is it?"
"I sent you a LINE message. Why didn't you respond?"
"Ah, that." Ayase-san spoke like it was nothing special, taking out her smartphone.
It seemed to be out of battery. The screen remained blank even after she pressed buttons on it.
"I got addicted to lofi hip hop music after listening to it while studying. It's been eating away at my battery, so there've been a few times it's run out of juice."
"Ahh… so that's why."
As expected, reality is boring. And all too dull.
If I had really been calm at that time, I would have realized the lie she had told me, and the reason for the sense of discomfort that plagued me. I think the reason my thought process came to a complete halt was because it was overwritten with a sense of relief.
Later that night, right before I fell asleep, this doubt came to mind, but since I had already wasted my opportunity to ask, the truth I should have known sunk deeper into an eternal abyss. The only way to find the answer would be to read Ayase-san's diary, I guess.
The department store at Shibuya is farther away than our neighborhood's supermarket. But, even taking that into account, wasn't it still a bit late for her to get home at 9:30pm?