Chapter 82: Turning Point (9)
“Though I stepped forward with confidence, for it to end like this… I am ashamed and cannot lift my face to you all. I am sorry for troubling you. It is entirely my fault.”
Jeil Enbarso politely apologized to us as soon as the class ended.
To be honest, I wasn’t really angry—just a little dumbfounded—so I accepted his apology without making a fuss.
“You didn’t do it on purpose, after all. Please don’t worry too much.”
“That’s right.”
Allen also smiled faintly and nodded.
“Anyone can make mistakes.”
“…Though if I say such a thing in this situation, it’ll only sound like an excuse.”
Jeil Enbarso paused for a moment, then looked at us and spoke quietly.
“I would never misunderstand or twist things. After all, how could anyone forget such vivid memories of the Wolpen Knights?”
“Then are you saying what you told us earlier was true?”
Allen looked at Enbarso with an expression of intrigue.
“I swear upon my honor and the name of my clan. What I said contained not a single distortion nor exaggeration—it was the plain truth itself.”
“Heh.”
Allen shook his head slightly, as though he couldn’t believe it.
Yet he still skillfully moved the broom, sweeping away the dust piled in the corners.
“So you mean that Dragon Knight Siren Everglenn really was the one who set the mood at the banquet? That he often cracked silly jokes too?”
“I would stake my neck on it. That’s exactly how it was.”
“No, there’s no need to wager your neck over it…”
Allen looked a little put off, tilting his head in puzzlement.
“Then why is it that in history books and old tales, he’s always depicted as solemn, stern, and nothing but serious?”
“That, I do not know. We elves write history exactly as it happened. But unlike us, humans… they truly never knew how to embellish things properly.”
Even Enbarso muttered in bewilderment as he scrubbed the floor with a mop.
Though unlike Allen, he seemed unused to cleaning; anyone could see how clumsy he was at it.
“Well, there’s that sort of story too, isn’t there.”
As I moved desks and chairs and dusted the surroundings, I spoke up, drawing both of their gazes toward me.
“I don’t recall the author’s name clearly… but do you know the story called ‘The Scent of Spring at the Windmill’?”
“I do. Isn’t that quite a famous novel?”
Enbarso nodded.
There was no need to ask Allen if he knew it.
After all, ‘The Scent of Spring at the Windmill’ was such a well-known tale.
Even foreigners knew of it, and no one in the Empire could possibly not have heard of it.
“It’s so famous that many know this anecdote… in the story, the boy carries the girl on his back down a forest path, right? Later, when he takes off his clothes to wash them, he sees a purple stain on his back and wonders what it could mean…”
“Mm, yes. I remember. A truly striking scene.”
“At first, people said the purple represented an omen of death, a foreshadowing. But later, in the author’s memoirs, he confessed he only wrote it that way because his favorite color was purple—there was no deeper meaning at all.”
Allen, as if already aware, only nodded slightly without much reaction.
But Jeil Enbarso was so startled that he stopped wiping the floor and looked straight at me.
“Is that true?”
“Yes. And that’s not all. At the Academy… well, in most schools where literature classes are taught, questions about The Scent of Spring at the Windmill often appear on exams. But they say even the author himself once tried answering such questions—and got most of them wrong. He laughed, saying he never wrote with such intentions, yet somehow the interpretations had gone astray.”
“Ahh, now I see what you’re trying to say.”
Jeil Enbarso nodded slowly.
“You mean that everything depends on how it is recorded, and how it is interpreted.”
“I didn’t mean it in such a lofty way, but… yes, something like that.”
I sneaked a glance at Allen.
He was too absorbed in sweeping to notice.
“What I meant was, there’s no need for you to feel so guilty or ashamed. I don’t believe you misremembered or were mistaken, Enbarso. And certainly not that you lied. It’s just… hmm, how should I put it.”
As always, when I truly wanted to say something, I had the bad habit of rambling on.
This time too, I had only wanted to say something to encourage Allen a little, yet before I knew it, the story had wandered off course.
“I’m not good with words, so I went on too long and lost my point. But to put it simply… oftentimes, the truth isn’t nearly as important as people think.”
At my words, Jeil Enbarso tilted his head.
Honestly, I wasn’t even sure what I was saying anymore.
“Hm, as you say, I think the story has strayed too far.”
“I can’t deny it. How did we even end up here?”
I shrugged.
Unbidden, memories from my previous life rose in my mind.
‘Because of a single person’s words, my family became branded as traitors—heinous worshippers of the Evil God.’
Sometimes, a whisper could swell into an unstoppable wave that crashed upon someone.
And speaking as one who had been swept away by such waves again and again…
Rather than resisting, if you clenched your teeth and endured while going with the flow, eventually the wave would pass and leave you behind.
‘Well, no… in the end, I was caught and beheaded. I suppose I didn’t endure it after all.’
I swallowed down the bitter laugh that almost escaped and tried to reel back my scattered words.
“Even if the author’s intent was different, once many people believed otherwise, it became the accepted interpretation, didn’t it? It’s the same for you, Enbarso. As I’ve said, I don’t think your story was false. But to the majority, Dragon Knight Siren Everglenn is remembered not as a mischievous, humorous man, but as solemn and serious.”
Enbarso nodded at my words.
It wasn’t a perfunctory gesture, but something genuine.
“…I take back what I said earlier. I think I understand, more or less, what you meant.”
“Then I’m glad.”
I smiled awkwardly.
I had been worrying about how to wrap things up.
Once more, I glanced at Allen.
He was again wholly absorbed in sweeping.
“…”
“…”
“……”
The three of us stopped chatting and continued cleaning.
How much time had passed like that?
“Lian.”
“Hm? What is it. Do you have something to say?”
Allen hesitated for a moment, then nodded as if he had made up his mind and spoke to me.
“Would you perhaps hear out my worries?”
“Here, drink.”
I handed Allen a bottle of soda I had bought from the store.
He awkwardly rose from his seat and accepted it politely with both hands.
“I should be the one buying for you…”
“You bought for me last time. If it bothers you, just buy me one next time.”
“Then, I’ll gratefully drink this.”
For a while, the two of us silently sipped our drinks.
The sweet fruit flavor spread in my mouth, but somehow, it felt as if thorns were pricking inside.
Once the bottle was about half empty, Allen finally opened his mouth, his voice trembling.
“…The very first thing I said when I sought out Young Master was that I would leave the family on my own.”
He began speaking slowly.
“I desired nothing. I had already received far too much from the Count, and all of it was more than I deserved.
Even so, I never forgot my place. I was but a bastard, at best an illegitimate child… no one knew my position better than I did. I never dared covet what was not mine.
Above all, I never wished to bring shame to the Count who took me in, nor to the family or the Young Master. I only begged that they would believe in my sincerity.
And to prove this, I said that if the Count came for the Departure Festival, I would personally declare my intent before him and the elders of the family.”
As Allen’s words poured out without pause, I swallowed another sip.
For me, his confession did not sound like the troubles of someone else.
“So what did your brother say?”
Allen replied in a quiet voice.
“He said he would believe me. For the first time, he told me he believed me.”
After catching his breath for a moment, he added:
“He said he respected the courage I showed by seeking him out and speaking to him face-to-face. That he finally saw the spirit of House Amiel within me… that he would wait for me to tie up my matters myself…”
And if—
Even after I explained everything, if the Count’s will remained unchanged—
And if I gained the recognition of the elders and the family—
“Then, so long as I did not tarnish the honor of House Amiel, he said he would not interfere with whether or not I attended the Academy.”
“That’s…”
“Yes, though now it has all become meaningless.”
Allen muttered with a bitter smile.
“Even before I could meet the Count, unspeakable rumors spread throughout the Academy… in truth, it was surprising that Young Master merely ended it with words.”
He shook his head helplessly and spoke in a weary tone.
“I want to ask those who spread such rumors… What wrong did I ever do to you? What grudges did you hold against me? How much do you even know of me? For what reason did you spread lies that brought trouble not only upon me, but upon those around me as well?”
“……”
“Why…”
After hearing Allen’s words, I could only remain silent.
I could have given some empty comfort, but at least in this moment, to Allen, such words were the very last thing I should say.
After some hesitation, I quietly spoke.
“Allen.”
“Yes, Lian.”
“The truth is, I want to tell you that one day all misunderstandings will be cleared, that someday everyone will know your sincerity… But both you and I know that’s far too unrealistic.”
“……”
Allen said nothing.
He only showed a bitter smile.
“I suppose so.”
“Even now, there are still those who spread rumors, or who shun you because of your half-brother, or simply those who enjoy tormenting others… All of them are only seeing a fragment of you. And they likely don’t even want to see the rest.”
I shrugged.
“Cruel as it sounds, that’s just what ordinary people do. If they happened to look deeper and realized they were wrong? Few would want to face or bear that. To be honest, I’m the same way.”
“……”
“It’s unjust, but there isn’t much you… or I mean, you in particular, can do about it. You can’t chase down each one of them to explain, ‘This is how it really was, you’re mistaken.’ Maybe if it were one or two people, but to countless ones? That would be foolish.”
Allen silently nodded.
“But listen.
There are many who know more than just the rumor-made version of you. There’s me right here, there’s Cecilia, there’s the Third Prince, and even Enbarso. And surely there are others I don’t know.
And if I were to meet such people, I would tell those who only know a fragment of you:
‘You’ve only seen one part of him.’”
I tossed my empty bottle into the trash.
It drew a smooth arc and dropped neatly inside.
“So, what I want to say is: you have at least one person on your side here, and others out there as well.”
“……”
“So don’t try to carry it all alone. Don’t let yourself be crushed by how others look at you.”
I sighed lightly.
“Whatever happens, I’ll be on your side. Not the Allen of the rumors, not the Allen of House Amiel, but simply Allen Amiel.”
“……”
“Don’t let yourself be swayed by others’ words. Nothing has actually changed. Don’t mistake that.”
Allen remained silent.
With his eyes closed, he seemed to be deep in thought, then let out several deep breaths.
When he finally opened them again, his eyes held a light entirely different from before.
“…Allen Amiel need only be Allen Amiel. That is what you mean.”
“Uh… what?”
“In short, that’s what you were saying, isn’t it, Lian?”
He nodded quietly and murmured.
“Do not pay too much heed to the gazes around you. First, firmly pursue what you wish to do.”
“…Mm, well. Put that way, yes.”
Then, Allen smiled.
A smile I hadn’t seen in days…
No, perhaps one I had never seen before.
“Thank you, Lian. Thanks to you, my mind feels clear.”
“Thank me for what. Honestly, it’s embarrassing, but I just strung together things I heard here and there.”
That was no lie.
Because Allen, whose struggles were as much mental as anything, had made me recall every word I had ever heard from the Cathedral or the Holy Sun Church and piece them together.
“No, it’s not like that.”
Allen’s voice was calmer now, clearer, as though his mind truly was at ease.
“Meeting you, Lian, was the greatest fortune of my life.”
Hearing him say such a shameless thing so sincerely, I suddenly felt embarrassed.
I turned my head slightly and muttered, almost tossing the words at him.
“As long as your worries are eased, that’s good enough.”
“Yes, all thanks to you, Lian.”
Allen quietly nodded.
“Now, I have made up my mind.”
And just a few days later, an attack occurred at the Academy.