Feng Jin Yuan Passes
Feng Yu Heng entered the room and personally swapped places with the soldier. She then worked with Wang Chuan to help Feng Jin Yuan back into his bed.
During this process, Feng Jin Yuan just looked at her in a daze. He watched this daughter and maidservant work together to carry him back into bed and cover him with a blanket. They also quietly sat down at the bedside. There was no longer that sharp look, and though it could not be described as intimate, it was very close that look of indifference from before she had been sent to the Northwest. Not close in the slightest, this was already a very good outcome for Feng Jin Yuan.
Feng Jin Yuan averted his gaze and reached up to wipe away his tears, but he also felt that he was all skin and bones. He said: “A-Heng, you came!” He then turned back around, his eyes filled with a fatherly love that Feng Yu Heng had never experienced since coming to Da Shun.
She was a bit flustered and suddenly wanted to ask if Feng Jin Yuan had become muddled. Had he thought of her as the late Feng Chen Yu. But seeing that this person was already severely ill, she faintly sighed to herself and did not say anything too harsh. She just nodded and said: “Yes, I came.”
Feng Jin Yuan was a bit embarrassed. When it came to this second daughter, he always had a lot to say; however, he never knew how to begin. He did not know how to begin the conversation. He was having a bit of difficulty remembering how he had interacted with Feng Yu Heng when she was still the Feng family’s daughter of the first wife, before he had sent her to the Northwest. He just recalled that this second daughter’s personality was indifferent and was never too interested in anything, nor did she express much interest in any person. After Feng Yu Heng returned to the capital, the interaction between the two was nothing more than quarreling and mutual dislike.
“Hah.” Feng Jin Yuan sighed and did not know what to say.
It was Feng Yu Heng that spoke up first, saying to him: “I have gone to mother’s grave to pay respects. As her daughter, I could not even make it in time for her burial. I fear that this will be something that I will regret for the rest of my life. But I still must thank you for personally handling this matter. The location of the grave seems to have great feng shui. The desert is very far from the capital and far from those contentious affairs. Mother would like it.”
Feng Jin Yuan quickly said: “There’s no need to thank me. Your mother was my first wife. These were things that I ought to do.”
Feng Yu Heng shook her head: “She can’t be considered your first wife. Someone that’s already divorced, she no longer has any relation to the Feng family.” While she spoke, she felt Feng Jin Yuan’s pulse. It was just for a moment before she put it down; however, she did not say anything about the illness. Instead, she said: “I brought Xiang Rong to Ji An Prefecture. In the future, concubine mother An will also go and live there. A residence has already been prepared. You can be at ease. As for Fen Dai, either way, she has the fifth prince taking care of her. Based on her personality, even if you want to worry about her, it’s a waste of time. Whether she prospers or falls to ruin, it will depend on her own choices.”
When she brought this up, Feng Jin Yuan felt as though she was preparing for life after his death, telling him one last time about the family situation. He then knew that the result of the pulse examination was probably not good. But this ending was within his expectations. It was as he had said to that soldier. He knew his body well. He would survive for another two days at most before he could no longer hold on. Fortunately, right before he died, he could see Feng Yu Heng, and his heart was free from burden, thus he opened his mouth to bitterly say: “I am a failure of a father. I am such a failure that I do not know what advice I can give you before I die. You don’t need any advice from me because you are better than father at everything. Comparatively, over the years, I have not done a single proper thing over the years. I do not have the right to ask for your forgiveness, but A-Heng, there is something that I must tell you. Right before your mother passed, she left behind a message. She said that she was no longer muddled. She always recognized you at heart. She knew that you were her daughter and not Fu Ya. She wanted to you be at ease.”
“Un.” Feng Yu Heng was not in a very good mood and was very gloomy. Even if she did not have any feelings for Feng Jin Yuan, the blood flowing through her body was the same as the blood in Feng Jin Yuan’s body. There would always be some connection. It was such that watching this person die and suffer so greatly, she could not bring herself to say anything terrible. She just said: “Since she remembered me, I will be at ease! Speaking of, there is nobody in this world that does not hope for a natural love between parents and children. Father, you had once thought about what would have happened if you had taken good care of me back then. The Feng family definitely would not have collapsed to its current condition! As long as I am present, the Feng family would have continued being brilliant. Unfortunately, this was not what I wanted.”
Hearing her bring this up, Feng Jin Yuan was quite happy. He still had many things that he wished to say. He coughed for a while then said: “I know that I was wrong. At that time, I don’t know what part of my brain failed, causing me to feel that if I did not chase away the Yao family to express my attitude, I would definitely suffer along with the Yao family. I had finally managed to get through the imperial examinations and climbed to the position of left prime minister. I had finally managed to bring your grandmother over to the capital. Perhaps it was this glory that caused me to become muddled, such that when the event occurred, I was incapable of making a correct judgment. In the end, with all that had happened, even if we wanted to return to back then, it can’t be done. A-Heng, the only thing that father rejoices over is that you can live so brilliantly. In the end, there is a child from my Feng family that has a bright future. Regardless of whether you hate me or resent me, I still hope that you live well. A-Heng, I’m sorry.”
With the words of apology coming out, Feng Jin Yuan began to cry. Regardless of how much he did not want to cry in front of this daughter, he could not hold back the tears. The Feng family, how glorious had the Feng family had been! However, with each mistake, it gradually fell to ruin. Thinking about it now, this second daughter had given his Feng family chance after chance; however, he still could not see the situation clearly.
He wanted to hold Feng Yu Heng’s hand, but after speaking for so long, he had expended a great deal of energy. He raised it a few times but did not have the strength. It was Feng Yu Heng that took the initiative to grab his hand while keeping two fingers on his pulse. A faint look of hurt appeared on her brow.
“I am about to die.” Feng Jin Yuan said: “I held on to this last breath for the sake of personally apologizing to you. Now that my final wish has come true, I can finally let go of this last breath.” He took a few more breaths and tried very hard to find his breath once more, but it was fated that he would suffer some more when it was time for him to die. This person had clearly run out of steam; however, he continued to hold on, enduring any discomfort. He was unwilling to let it go.
Wang Chuan saw him like this and felt that this was too much suffering, saying: “Young Miss, speak with Mister Feng. This servant will wait outside.” She then hastily left the room.
Feng Yu Heng looked at him for a while and asked him with a frown: “Do you want me to help you make passing a little easier?”
Feng Jin Yuan repeatedly nodded his head, “I do, I do!”
Feng Yu Heng did not hesitate any longer. Reaching into her sleeve, she pulled out a euthanasia injection from her space.
“In truth, your daughter died long ago in the mountains of the Northwest. She was killed by two vile people who overdosed her on sleeping drugs, who threw her into a mass grave.”
While she spoke, she worked with the needle. Feng Jin Yuan, however, did not look at the needle. He was just extremely shocked by these words and said with a trembling voice: “It’s no wonder Qian Rou said that you were not. It turns out that you really weren’t…”
Feng Yu Heng shook her head and pushed the needle into Feng Jin Yuan’s body while saying: “No, I am, but I am not.” Seeing Feng Jin Yuan’s expectant gaze, she shook her head and said: “Nature’s mysteries must not be exposed.”
Feng Jin Yuan did not continue asking. His eyelids felt heavy, and just as they were about to close, he murmured: “Why do I feel so sleepy?”
She pulled out the needle and gently said: “If you’re sleepy, just sleep. When you fall asleep, there will be no more suffering.”
She then watched Feng Jin Yuan slowly close his eyes. It looked as though he had said something close to “I’m sorry,” but she could not hear it clearly.
Finally, he stopped breathing. Under the effects of euthanasia, there was no suffering. This was the final thing that she could do for him as a daughter.
She got up and felt a stuffiness in the room. Under the effects of the stuffy room, the people and sights from the former Feng manor played back in her mind like a movie. The matriarch, Chen shi, Feng Chen Yu, Feng Zi Hao, Jin Zhen, Han shi… these people who had once been alive all flashed through her mind along with their unique traits. Following the scene of Feng Jin Yuan parting this world, it completely disappeared inside her world.
“From this day forward, there is no longer a Feng family!” Feng Yu Heng slightly raised her head, and she felt a bit choked up. There were also some glistening tears in her eyes. She felt that this was quite funny, “Ban Zou, say, why am I crying? Is it for the Feng family?”
From the shadows, Ban Zou appeared and stood behind her, quietly keeping her company without saying a word.
Feng Yu Heng smiled bitterly, “Let’s consider it as being for the Feng family! After all, my surname is Feng. If the family could live well, who would want to fall to this position? Could it be that they really believe that I enjoy being isolated? Could they really believe that I like being without parents and siblings? If they had treated me with just a bit of sincerity, I would have repaid it many times over, and this family would not have met with this end.”
She sniffled and turned to look toward Feng Jin Yuan. This father did not have any resemblance to his former appearance. He was as thin as a tree branch, and he looked as if he had aged to be around his 50s or 60s. In truth, Feng Jin Yuan was no more than his early-40s. These were his prime years.
“I heard that he wanted to be buried with madam.” Ban Zou finally spoke; however, he spoke of something that he had heard from the soldiers, “He had mentioned it more than once. While alive, he could not take good care of the madam, but even if he waited on her every demand after his death, it would be good. He even mentioned to His Highness that he wished to be buried in the same grave as the madam, but His Highness did not allow it.”
Feng Yu Heng laughed, “Not allowing it was correct. I do not hope for mother to need to have any connection to the Feng family after her death. That he could send mother off one last time was the limit of their relationship. If they could not even stay together properly when alive, why would they continue being together in death?”
“Then how should Feng Jin Yuan’s corpse be taken care of?” Ban Zou asked: “Sha Ping City only has that place to the East that can bury people. Madam is buried there, so he can’t go there.”
Feng Yu Heng thought for a bit then said, “Just cremate it! Burn it until there’s only bone dust remaining. Pour it into a jar then have someone send it back to the capital and… and hand it to Fen Dai.”
Ban Zou was stunned, “The Feng family’s fourth young miss? Would she not scatter the bone dust? She hated Feng Jin Yuan and hoped each day that she could crush his bones to dust. If it’s given to her, we would be gifting it to her.”
“If it’s scattered, it’s scattered.” Feng Yu Heng did not mind as much as the ancient people. In the modern world, there were all kinds of people who scattered cremated remains into the ocean. “If Fen Dai properly buries it, it would be considered completing their relationship between father and daughter. If it really is scattered, it can be considered a final charitable deed that Feng Jin Yuan did for his fourth daughter! Scattering the ashes, the knot in her heart will be resolved. From there, she will also understand the grievances of the Feng family in this world… That would also be good.”