Cass knew this place. The darkness was warm, endless, and he knew that the boys had upheld their promise.
Cass let out a soft breath, the sound empty in the vastness of the black space in front of him. He could see the dim glow in the distance, knew what it was, and hardened himself as he marched forward.
He couldn’t be a coward, even if he was experiencing some whiplash. It had only been a few minutes ago where he had been very intimate with Edgar and Gideon, but now he had to be serious. He had to pull his brain from planning and plotting how he could flip and twist Edgar around to bring him the sweetest pleasure and instead pivot so that he was going through his power point presentation for Cassian.
It was a rather jarring change, but one he had been prepared for. Cass used the time that he had to walk over to collect his thoughts. In a way, he had a feeling that the gods had given him that time to prepare himself. He was...grateful for it.
The meeting this time wasn’t in a beautiful garden illuminated by light, but instead on a rather cold platform. The table and chairs gleamed, a clear reminder of what he’d seen in Taniora’s boss room inside of the dungeon she had been pulled to. It was a sobering reminder, another reason why Cass was doing this.
One of the white, iron chairs was already occupied and Cass stuttered in his steps as he stared at him.
He wasn’t the flourishing, happy Cassian Blackburn that he had seen and spoken to thus far. He was, in fact, rather gaunt in appearance. Serious bags under his eyes, his eyes sunken further. The whites of his eyes were discoloured, streaked with red marks. His skin looked paper-thin, his hands knobby and skeletal. The clothes he wore barely fit, and it was clear it was all for show.
Even his hair was dull, lacking luster. It was only his eyes, red and fevered, that told of the soul that lived inside. Trapped in a body that was slowly dying and he didn’t even know why.
This was the man who had done something desperate. This was the man who had turned against those who he had hoped would treat him well. This was the man who felt he’d had no other choice.
Cass’ heart ached deeply.
Cassian gave him a small smile, gesturing to the chair across from him.
"Sit, Caspian. I’ve been waiting for you." His voice was raspy, frail and Cass didn’t wince. It would be rude to, but Cassian could see the pity in his eyes. He didn’t say anything, but his jaw tightened slightly. Cass felt like a damn asshole. That was the thing he didn’t want to do. Make Cassian uncomfortable.
"Sorry. It’s just been a while since I’ve seen this." Cass muttered and Cassian blinked, before his expression softened.
"Right. It has been a while." Cassian said softly as Cass pulled the chair out and sat down. They sat in silence for a moment, each man scanning the other. Cass had no idea what Cassian was seeing, but he had a feeling it was his true form too. His brown hair, brown eyes, bigger body and rougher hands. His hands were closer to Gideon or Lucian’s in this body, not Edgar’s or Cass’.
It was Cassian who broke the silence.
"I don’t regret it." Cassian told him and Cass jerked. He raised his eyes to those red eyes, the strength behind him as he told him those words. "They asked, and I told them it was okay. It wasn’t just a one way request, Caspian. I knew the risks and I still allowed you to have your way." Cass felt his eyes water immediately.
"Why? Are you suicidal?" Cass asked and Cassian gave him a bitter smile.
"I am the furthest from it, remember? I live purely out of spite." Cassian said with a bitter chuckle. "However, I’ll take living through someone else over letting them get away with it." That stung. Cass swallowed.
"They’re going to take your soul, Cassian. That fucking waste of a mother hurt you, took everything from you, your family tried to kill you with or without knowledge of it, and you think letting your body live on is the right thing?" Cass was furious, pissed for him but Cassian reached out and placed a hand on top of his.
It was so thin that it made Cass halt in his anger. The way that Cassian looked at him...the softness in his expression...it broke something inside of Cass.
"It was okay at the time." Cassian told him softly. "It truly was, until I heard how angry you were and I understood that your affection for me, the way you fought for me...you truly liked me for me, didn’t you? You felt pity for me, you cared for me, you were doing a lot of your actions for me. When you revealed that you were doing this all so that I had a good place to come back to..." Cassian’s eyes filled with tears and he looked away, swallowing. "I realised that I was foolish in my thinking, but it was too late. I’ve never...I’ve never experienced anything like this before." Cassian murmured.
Cass wasn’t faring much better. His own eyes were welling with tears too. Cass flipped his hand, reaching up and squeezing Cassian’s hand in his.
"Then don’t let this be the end." Cass told him seriously. "I don’t want all of the hard work I put in to be meaningless. I do not want those fuckers to win. Who the hell knows what they would have you doing? I don’t like it, and I don’t want all of this to be for nothing. Merge souls with me." Cass said. He watched Cassian’s shoulders shudder.
"I...That would harm you, Caspian. It would pull you out of your cycle of reincarnation. Your life, your soul would be changed forever." Cassian said quietly. Cass sighed.
"I know." Cass told him. "I’m not saying this lightly either. I’ve thought about it. I’ve mourned it. I know what it means, but we can also be optimistic. Who is to say that no one from my family will reincarnate over here? Who is to say that the rules are even going to stay the same after this? Do you think I’d let all of this come to pass without getting something out of it? After we defeat the demon king like they wanted?" Cass squeezed his hand, including Cassian in his words.
Cassian stared at the table, his expression full of sorrow.
"I just didn’t want my life to harm you too." He whispered softly and Cass was pushing back the chair before he could stop himself. He grabbed the thinner man, the Cassian he had possessed at the time and hugged him tightly. The man hesitated for a second before his thin, trembling arms wrapped around him tightly.
"Never." Cass whispered. "Never are you going to think that way again. We’ll be together. We’ll be one. We’ll be brothers, forever. Sure, it’s fucking terrifying to think of, and I’m so fucking sad that I won’t be able to hear you in my head like my own personal sounding board, but I would rather have you with me forever and not hear your voice again then have you disappear on me and goes gods know where." Cass told him. He ignored the slight dampness against his shoulder.
"I’ve never had siblings before." Cassian whispered and Cass laughed.
"Sure you have, you just didn’t know it." Cass told him. "My sister would have loved you." Cass said gruffly. "She was like me. She thought that what happened to you was fucking ridiculous and awful. One of us was coming here, no matter what." Cass told him and Cassian sobbed.
They stayed like that, Cass’ tears more silent before Cassian composed himself.
"I’ll do it." Cassian said. "I wasn’t ever going to say no, not really, unless I felt like you were being forced by the gods. Or you truly didn’t want it." Cassian said. Cass was fluent enough in Cassian speak to know that meant that Cass would have had to get him to this level each and every time they had this conversation if they had this conversation over and over. Cass exhaled slowly.
"Good. I’m glad. I mean that, Cassian. I’m fucking terrified out of my mind, but I wouldn’t want to merge souls with anyone else." Cass meant it. Cassian pulled back, staring up at him with those red eyes of his that made Cass flinch. Cassian grinned.
"Me too." He said and they hugged each other again. It wasn’t sexual, it just was. Two men who’d barely let others love them finding comfort in each other.
"What’s the next step?" Cass asked and Cassian sighed.
"I don’t know. I don’t think we’re supposed to know. But I want to say this before everything changes. Thank you, Caspian. Truly. There is no one else I could have imagined taking over my place. You’ve done a great job thus far and I know you will continue to do a good job. Take care of us, will you? And...maybe kiss Lucian for me." Cassian mumbled the last part. Cass laughed loudly.
"I am so going to tell him that and I am sure he will be happy to oblige." Cass told him.
"Be happy for us." Those words made Cass’ joy still. "That’s the greatest revenge I can think of. We were never truly happy. If...If things get hard, just remember that, alright? They’re all so bitter and angry that seeing joy is the worst thing they can imagine." Cassian’s words hit hard.
Particularly as Cass had been struggling with himself over the last few days, hell, ever since he’d arrived here. He hadn’t felt right being happy while this wasn’t his body. While he was away from his sister in her time of need.
Cassian was right. He’d already tried the other way and it hadn’t worked out well for him. He had tried to get revenge in the quiet way that villain’s did, but Cass...he was both. He was a villain and a hero.
He could mix and match as he needed.
Cass squeezed him tightly in his arms, feeling how the thin body shook in his arms.
"We’ll be happy, Cassian. I promise. That is the one thing I will not let them take from us." Cass promised. Then, a bright, blinding light filled his vision and Cass had to close his eyes. He felt his body begin to drift, the sensation leaving his limbs before a searing, horrible pain consumed him.
He screamed, but nothing came out. Hot, thick claws dragged down his insides, scooping everything out of him and leaving him bleeding, bare. Cass screamed soundlessly as it felt like molten hot lava was poured into the wound. It spilled, falling out of him only to be scooped up and poured back in.
More digging, more pain and just when Cass was feeling like he was going to curl into himself, the cold, digging pain of chains wrapping around each of his limbs to hold him in place counteracted the lava hot heat inside.
It was an excruciating experience, but Cass knew he couldn’t pass out. He wasn’t sure how he knew, but he knew that if he did, things would only get worse. His consciousness flickered, pure agony eating him up inside, but he stayed awake.
For as long as he could, Cass stayed awake until he just couldn’t hold on any longer.
The sweet, faint smell of cherry blossoms touched his nose as his body went limp.