"No, baby, no." Gideon whispered, sounding upset. "Not at all. Gods, please don’t think of it that way." Gideon squeezed Cass tightly. The sound of the water sloshing in the tub as Edgar approached and placed his arm around Cass’ waist had Cass tensing, but he relaxed just as quickly.
"But it feels wrong." Cass whispered. "Everything feels wrong. I just, it doesn’t feel okay that I’m happy at all while all of this terribleness is happening around me." Cass admitted. Edgar let out a mournful sound.
"You didn’t drink a lot tonight, right?" Edgar asked softly and Cass nodded. His throat grew tight as Edgar even suggested that Cass had been drinking.
"No. I limited myself." Cass told him and Edgar let out a shaky breath.
"Bunny, darling, people are allowed happiness even when everything is going to shit. I would also argue that things aren’t going to shit right now. They’re looking...good. With everything that you are doing, and everything that your family, the fairies, are doing, it’s going to be alright." Cass sniffed.
"This just feels like it’s wrong though. I shouldn’t be happy. Not everyone is here and I just feel this tightness in my chest. I’m worried that this is all an illusion and it’s going to fade away as soon as I get comfortable." Both Gideon and Edgar had such deep understanding in their eyes that it only made Cass more embarrassed.
He turned and tucked his head against Gideon’s shoulder, shaking slightly. Edgar let out a soft breath, coming in closer and pressing one kiss against Cass’ exposed shoulder. It was warm, filled with an affection that made Cass flinch. He didn’t stop though, his kisses slow, allowing Cass to adjust as he continued to pepper his skin.
Gideon’s hands were rough against Cass’ flesh under the water, but firm. Solid. Sturdy.
"Oh Cass." Gideon murmured. "It’s okay to feel this way. I get it, but Bunny, you’re allowed to feel happiness. I’m sure Lucian would be upset if he heard you talking this way. He might be upset that he isn’t here but he didn’t want you to put your life on hold while he was gone." Gideon told him. Edgar coughed.
"Well, Lucy might not be a great example. He’s a dragon, they are a little...strange." Edgar sounded a little hysterical, but quickly toned it down. "However, I know that he would agree on one thing. He wants you to be happy, Cass. Truly, I know that he does." Cass sniffed, glancing towards the handsome blond man.
"How can you be so certain?" Cass asked, his chest aching. Edgar gave him a soft, tender smile.
"Because that’s what I want for you, and of that, Lucy and I are of the same mind. We want you happy, healthy and doing everything that you want in life. If that also happens to mean you are single-handedly destroying this country? Well, as long as the gods aren’t protesting, I don’t have to care." Edgar told with a smile that curled the corners of his eyes. Cass blinked, sucking in a deep breath as he tentatively reached for Edgar. Edgar let him as Cass pressed a hand against his cheek. Edgar turned his head, nuzzling into the simple touch.
Cass turned his gaze to Gideon, confused, conflicted but not upset. His stomach was twisting, turning, and Cass knew that it wasn’t from anger or from the alcohol he’d drank. His body warmed, his lower body twitching and Cass let out a soft sound.
"Fuck." He exhaled shakily, squeezing his thighs together tightly. Edgar nuzzled into his hand.
"You have a potty mouth, Bunny." Edgar told him, his blue eyes bright with amusement and affection. The look made Cass’ body boil, his breath shaky as he met that blue gaze. He had hoped that when he slid his gaze to Gideon that the man would be more composed.
Instead, he had his own flush across his cheeks and those green eyes were warm all the way through. Cass was stuck. He’d been confused, his emotions getting the better of him and now?
Now he was stuck between two wet, naked men who appeared to adore him. Cass had no words, no way to express how he was feeling outside of being overwhelmed. He’d said that this didn’t feel real and the men hadn’t even flinched. They just seemed to care for him more.
"I-I always feel like an imposture during heats because this isn’t my original body." Cass whispered, a secret that he had kept so tight inside that he hadn’t revealed it completely even to himself. He always felt uncomfortable, out of control. At least he wasn’t panicking anymore.
"You’re not an imposture. Didn’t Cassian have to give you permission?" Edgar asked and Cass paused. He couldn’t remember the conversation he’d had with the gods or Cassian about that. He remained quiet and Gideon gave him a squeeze.
"I’ve been observing the man for a while, Cass, before you came into the picture. Trust me when I tell you that the man wouldn’t let just anyone take over his body or help him. He let you, specifically you do that. He trusts you, and he trusts you to make the right call. After all, even though you are in this hard situation now and have to go through more heats until your body adjusts, you’ll eventually be able to control the powers that your bloodline affords you. Cassian was never able to do that because he couldn’t trust everyone. You’ve shown him how to do that." Gideon told him. Cass wasn’t sure if that was helpful for Cass to hear, but it wasn’t harmful either.
Cass let out a soft sigh, uncertain, confused.
"What Giddy is trying to say, Cass, is that Cassian wouldn’t let anything he didn’t like happen. I have no doubt, honestly, that Cassian is going to say yes to merging souls with you." Cass blinked. He was shocked by Edgar’s words, and the confidence with which he spoke.
Cass kind of thought that he would say it to soothe Cass, but when Cass met his blue eyes, he was dead serious. The man wasn’t saying it to soothe Cass at all. He meant his words. Cass flushed.
"Why do you sound so confident?" Cass asked and Edgar gave Cass a small, knowing smile.
"Why am I so confident? Well, that’s because Cassian has not only been with you this whole time while we’ve been being idiots and assholes, he’s also had a direct look inside of you and the reason you are making the choices that you are. There is no way the man would be resistant against you given that fact. You’ve been so protective of Cassian, of everything that you care about, that he must have felt it. You’ve also shown sweet, tender sides to people like us before we were able to be like this with you. I’m not saying you taught Cassian how to care, but you showed him what it could look like." Edgar said softly.
Cass felt his eyes water.
"You think so?" Cass asked, feeling vulnerable, scared and naked. Edgar leaned in and pressed a soft kiss against Cass’ trembling ones.
"I do." Edgar told him, pulling back so that he could stare at Cass’ whole face. His red eyes were watering and the tip of his nose was turning red. His cheeks were flushed and despite everything, Cass looked cute as a button right now. Edgar tsked. "Who in their right mind would be able to stand against you?" Edgar muttered and Cass let out a trembling breath.
"But I don’t see Cassian like this. I don’t think so. I think I meet him in my original form. What if my body changes after we merge souls? I just feel so confused and scared and what if everything I’ve worked for until now disappears once we merge souls?" Cass was truly showing them everything and while Edgar was heartbroken from the questions Cass was asking, there was a soaring sense of love for the man.
He was trusting them with this.
"Cass, your form doesn’t matter. You’re charming no matter what. I’m sure many people told you that in your old world too." Edgar said, sounding a bit bitter. Cass stared at him blankly.
"No. No one said I was charming. In fact, I’d say they thought I was the opposite. Aloof, uncaring, they might even say mean." Cass muttered, remembering how detached he’d been in his old life. He’d only cared about books, his sister, and that was about it. Gideon’s hands on Cass tightened, drawing Cass’ attention towards the other man.
He was staring at Cass rather seriously, his expression thoughtful, his cheeks flushed.
"Well, they were missing out. I don’t think you’re mean at all. You have a barrier up, but that makes sense. You’ve been through a lot. Only those worthy enough should be allowed to hold you like this and care for you. Those who didn’t even try aren’t worth your time." Cass felt his jaw drop.
How...knightly of him to say.
"We have you now so they don’t even know what they are missing out on." Edgar said smugly. He hesitated. "I’m also thankful that you told us about this and your feelings, Bunny. I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling this way the whole time. Is there anything we can do to help ease your worries? Anything that will make you feel less anxiety or fear? We really, really don’t want you to feel upset during your next heat. It’s only a few days, if that, away." Edgar was being so damn sweet that Cass felt like his eyes were going to water and spill over.
They were both being sweet. Cass felt like a damn wreck but they were handling him so well. Cass let out a soft breath.
"T-The stuff that the doctor gave me last time. I don’t know where Sam put it, or where Lucian put it. I think we’ll need it." Cass admitted and watched as Edgar’s face warmed. Cass didn’t think he was any better.
"For you?" Edgar asked and Cass blushed deeply.
"P-Probably." Cass admitted and Edgar swallowed.
"Um, would we be able to use it on me too?" Edgar asked and Cass ducked his face against Gideon’s shoulder. Gideon didn’t seem to mind at all that Cass was using him to hide from his feelings.
"N-No." Cass told him. "Maybe...I also want some kisses? Hugs?" Cass felt selfish even saying it.
"Baby you don’t need to ask for that like this. We’d gladly give you those. Anytime. Even in public." Gideon murmured, holding onto Cass tightly. "Do you want some now?" Gideon asked and Cass nodded. "Okay. Raise your head up for me please. I can’t kiss you if I can’t see your lips." Gideon was being soft, but authoritative. It would only do him well when Cass was in the throes of his heat.
Cass raised his head up, his eyes wide, confused and his cheeks flushed. Gideon’s eyes scanned his face, taking in his features, his pouty lips, and he let out a soft sigh.
"I think your heat is only a few hours away." Gideon muttered. "Though I am no expert. Eddie?" Gideon slid his gaze towards Edgar who shifted closer. Cass turned his head to give him a better look at his expression. Edgar huffed, his nostrils flaring.
"We’re going to be busy tomorrow. When we get out of the tub I’ll let Sam know. You won’t be alone, Cassy Baby." Hearing what Lucian usually called him from their lips pushed Cass over the edge. He leaned in, pressing a soft kiss against Gideon’s lips. Gideon froze before a low groan left his lips.
"Oh yes, I am sure they regret it immensely." He murmured.