It was like traveling with a child, but not in a bad way. Lucian was just so eager and happy that there was no way that Cass could be upset with him.
Lucian’s eyes sparkled as he looked over the town from the window of the carriage. They weren’t sitting next to each other, instead sitting across from one another after Lucian had whispered their destination to the driver. Cass had no idea where they were going, but the driver had seemed surprised, but not in a bad way.
That was a good mark, in Cass’ books. Not that Cass knew where normal people went on dates.
He’d never really been on one officially. He’d been on two, maybe three unofficially though. He was pretty sure two had ended badly and the last one had ended...pretty good. Cass flushed, shifting in his seat. Lucian glanced over at him, staring at his flushed cheeks for a moment.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked, curious, and Cass let out a soft exhale. It wouldn’t upset him if he spoke about this, would it? He hoped not, but he’d rather not lie to the man since he could feel his emotions.
"I was just thinking about how I’ve been on several unofficial dates but that this is my first official one." Cass told him. Lucian paused.
"Including the ones with Fiona?" He asked and Cass snorted before he could stop himself.
"Those don’t count." Cass spat, still upset with the woman who had run away from everything without a care. Cass thought that he might have put too much anger behind his words when he glanced up at Lucian and he was watching him, his gaze unblinking.
"Well." Lucian began. "I guess I’m going to have to make sure I really don’t fuck this up. I would hate for this to be your first and last official date." That felt more like a curse than Lucian trying to reassure him. Then Lucian smiled at him brightly. He reached for Cass, bending awkwardly to take Cass’ hand in his own and squeezing. "Did you have fun on the other dates? What did you do?" He asked and Cass swallowed.
"They were...just outings, I think? I went shopping, got dragged to clothing shops and the like." Cass told him awkwardly. Lucian nodded.
"Anything else?" He asked and Cass blinked.
"Uh, we had a picnic? Sam had planned it because I couldn’t eat normal food at the time without him so..." Cass trailed off and then coughed. "These were all with Edgar." He admitted, not wanting to hide it from him. Lucian squeezed his hand.
"I had a feeling, honestly. Gideon wouldn’t have gone near you at the time and you wouldn’t consider an outing with Ava a date, nor would she. She’s too possessive of Fiona for that to ever be the case. What did you do with Fiona on dates?" He asked and Cass scrunched up his face. What had he done? Had Cassian even taken Fiona out on dates?
He tried to focus, turning to his internal memory bank but...came up blank.
When he opened his eyes, meeting the rather serious orange gaze of the man across from him, dressed so handsomely, Cass flinched. It was a startling thing to see, since Lucian was normally so...so casual. Seeing him dressed up like this? It was really confusing Cass. He felt flustered and fluttery. He was a grown ass man, why the hell was he getting flustered over a man putting on more clothes, of all things?
"I don’t think we did. I think we just...announced that we were engaged and getting married to my grandfather. I don’t think confronting my grandfather is a date." Cass told him and Lucian frowned. Cass wasn’t sure why he was frowning until Lucian let go of Cass’ hand, leaning back against the bench he was sitting on.
"So confronting your enemies and putting them in their place isn’t a date. Understood. Good thing I didn’t plan anything like that for today." He spoke quietly, but it wasn’t as if he was trying to hide it from Cass. It was more thoughtful than that, and Cass felt his eyes widen. What?
"That could be considered a date?" Cass asked, genuinely confused. Wasn’t a date something...sweeter than that? Like, movies, shopping, restaurants, theme parks? Those kinds of things? Not that he was an expert, he’d already told Lucian his experience and it wasn’t like the romance novels he read had any decent examples. Not for their lack of trying, but they normally ended early because the couple couldn’t keep their hands to themselves. Cass’ face warmed at that thought.
Lucian stared at Cass, his confused expression and blushing cheeks and gave a slow, easy smile.
"Cassy Baby, a date is whatever you want it to be. The only two people who get to decide what is and isn’t a date are the two going on it. Er, I guess, there could be more people on the date but-" Cass could tell he was going to run around in circles about the logistics, but that part didn’t matter to him. It was more about his words before that.
"It can be anything?" Cass was still stuck on that. "Isn’t a date supposed to be...I don’t know, something most people consider romantic? Or, er, something cute? I don’t know. I’ve got no experience and most of it is based on stuff from my world." Cass admitted quietly, feeling foolish and ridiculous.
Lucian’s hand engulfed Cass’ again, giving it a tight squeeze.
"Sweetheart, do you even know what you consider romantic?" The question caught him off guard. What Cass considered romantic? Why did that matter? Wasn’t that something that everyone decided ahead of time and then they all just went with?
Cass turned his gaze up towards Lucian, about to say his thoughts to the other man when he halted. Lucian’s expression was...kind. Sweet. Thoughtful. He was looking at Cass in a way that made Cass uncomfortable. Awkward.
Shifting in his seat, Cass realised suddenly that Lucian, despite his big dumb dragon behaviour, sometimes understood things better than Cass ever could. Was it his years of life? The fact that he’d probably dated a ton of people before now? Cass wasn’t sure, but he did know that Lucian, the beast, had pegged Cass long before Cass had even considered the thoughts.
He knew that Cass was inexperienced. He knew that Cass had no idea what a date was, and he knew, in some way, that Cass was going to be lost and confused. Lucian squeezed his hand.
"A date doesn’t have to be that different from hanging out with a friend." Lucian said quietly. "After all, lovers are supposed to be friends too. At least, that was what my brood mother told me." Lucian’s voice was soft in a way that made Cass feel warm and tingly inside. Cass let out a soft breath.
"Friends?" Cass repeated. He had to look away from Lucian’s gaze. It was far too intense and was making Cass’ legs shake. "I didn’t really have those either." Cass muttered and Lucian squeezed his hand.
"Then we’ll make sure that you have a fun time, hmm? I have to keep you satisfied so that you think about me when I’m gone. Plus, you asked me to stay a little longer." Something in Lucian’s voice made Cass turn his gaze towards him. Cass almost wished he hadn’t.
Lucian looked soft in a way that made it hard for Cass to breathe. His breath stopped coming, his eyes scanning those soft, warm orange eyes, the second set of eyelids sliding over his gaze for a second before disappearing. Cass’ heart felt too big for his chest, his hands suddenly sweaty.
Lucian wasn’t going easy on him and Cass had to drop his gaze or else he was going to pass out.
"I, uh," Cass started and Lucian squeezed his hand again. It was honestly so damn easy to catch Cass that it felt ridiculous.
"You don’t need to make an excuse, it’s okay. I was really happy when you said it." Lucian told him. "It’s the first time you said you liked having me around." Cass felt like he was going to spontaneously combust from how warm he felt.
"C-Can we open the window?" Cass asked, and Lucian laughed.
"Cute. You’re so cute." Cass didn’t have time to process the words when the carriage came to a stop. Lucian grinned. "Alright cutie, let’s get going, shall we? Time to make sure that Cass has a good day today!" Lucian got up first, letting go of Cass’ hand to get out of the carriage and offer him a helping hand out of the carriage.
He was grinning from ear to ear and Cass could feel how others were looking at them. Cass swallowed. Was this okay? Was this the right thing to do? Cass had no doubt that Lucian wasn’t going to be able to keep his hands to himself. He knew that he was going to be handsy, all over him, unable to hide what they were doing.
What they meant to each other.
Cass felt his face warm even thinking that thought, but still, was this the right thing to do?
He knew how terrible gay people were treated here. He’d heard the reports, seen the bodies, nearly threw up when he’d read what his grandfather had said about people like him. Was it smart for him to do this?
Who would it hurt if he did this?
Cass glanced towards Lucian who was waiting for him, eager, his smile unfaltering.
He’d be hurting Lucian, that was for sure. He would be hurting him a lot if he ignored him and he’d be...lying to himself too. He was the one who had originally blurted out that he wanted to hang out with Lucian alone, and he was the one who told him that he didn’t want him to leave either.
Shit. Shit shit shit. Fuck.
Cass took a deep breath before he began to move, placing his hand in Lucian’s as he bent to get out of the carriage. Lucian brightened further as Cass, squinting in the morning light, exited the carriage.
"I promise you won’t regret this." Lucian told him, but Cass wasn’t sure if that was the case. His heart was already pounding in his chest. He might have a heart attack before the day was over.