Cass opened his eyes on a sigh. He didn’t raise his head to look up at the statues of the gods and instead stayed where he was, on his knees, frowning at the ground. The lush carpet felt fucking surreal as he grappled with what he had been told, and what he was supposed to do.
He heard shifting behind him and he could feel Edgar’s body moving closer.
"Are you back, Cass?" He asked softly and Cass nodded. He felt miserable, even after talking to the gods. There was a simple reason to it. He had come for help, he had come for answers, for relief. He had come to speak to Cassian. He had gotten all of those things, but he still didn’t feel relieved.
"Yeah. I’m back." Cass whispered and felt Edgar come to sit down beside him. He sat with his back towards the statues, his body facing towards the rows of pews. He had his hood down around his shoulders, his bright blonde hair shining in the dim light and his blue eyes glowing slightly.
"That meeting took a little bit longer than I was expecting, so I don’t think we’d find anywhere with some privacy out at a shop. Did you want to go back to the mansion?" He asked and Cass wasn’t even aware that he suggested that they go out to a shop after this. He was honestly too focused on trying to get here that he wasn’t even sure if he’d fully registered what he’d said.
Edgar watched Cass’ expression, noticing the small shifts and smiled warmly. He reached out, cupping Cass’ face with his hand as he chuckled. His thumb rubbed against Cass’ cheek and the touch was a welcome distraction. It grounded him, made him realise he wasn’t back there still.
"You didn’t even remember that part, did you?" Edgar asked, clearly teasing Cass since it was obvious he wasn’t upset. Cass frowned.
"I’m sorry." Cass apologised sincerely and Edgar laughed.
"It’s okay. I’m not upset. You have a lot on your mind. Let’s just go home, alright? As long as you let me cuddle you some more. I can’t let you go when you’re like this." Edgar told him sweetly and Cass felt his face warm.
"Like what?" Cass asked and Edgar’s smile grew wider.
"Like a small, abandoned puppy. It’s cute, but I know that you need some gentle hands." The words shook Cass slightly and he looked at Edgar, really looked at him and watched as Edgar’s blue eyes curled up at the corners. "There you are. I knew provoking you would get you to actually look at me." Edgar said and Cass blinked.
He was right, of course. He was just trying to take care of Cass, make him feel better. Cass grumbled, but it was weak. There wasn’t any heat to his complaints and in fact, he leaned into the touch of Edgar’s hand against his face. He wanted to believe that he was doing it because he wanted to, not because his body was changing against his and Cassian’s will. However, there was no way to confirm that.
Especially not now since he’d run away from finding out the answer.
Cass wanted to kick himself for being so immature. It was just a few words? Why had he run away like a big baby all because of a few words? Was it because he’d gotten worked up at the sight of the fucking woman who had birthed Cassian? Or was it because she had tried to lie to him about his origins? Could all demons not lie?
That was simply not true. Cass could lie all he wanted. He swallowed.
Why wasn’t he classified as the next demon king? What would happen when, not if, the demon king died?
He hadn’t questioned when they had said it to him, hadn’t even questioned it when he told the gods, but now? Now he was asking questions, and he was the fucking idiot who had run away from getting the answers. There was no way to say that they would speak to him again.
He knew what parents could be like better than most when it came to abandonment. Cass slid his gaze back up to Edgar and the man smiled at him again. So did the man he was with, too. Hell, even Lucian had been ’abandoned’ in a sense, but he had good memories of someone parental.
Cass sighed. They were going to feel so vindicated when they found out that they were all right about his Mom, but to an even larger, awful level.
"I want to go home." Cass told him and watched as Edgar’s face faltered for a second before he nodded. Cass hesitated for a second before he raised his arms in the obvious, ’pick me up’ motion. Edgar’s eyes went wide before a silly, goofy smile crossed his lips.
"Your legs are still not working properly?" Edgar asked and Cass nodded, lying. Edgar didn’t even bat an eye after that, he just shifted, released Cass’ face and slid his arms under Cass and picked him up easily. It should have upset him. After all, Edgar looked like Cass, but he was actually quite strong.
Cass didn’t care at the moment. He sighed, tucking his hands into his lap and leaning his head against Edgar’s shoulder. He was tired. So damn tired.
Romance novels weren’t supposed to have so many fucking layers. At the very least, harem ones weren’t supposed to. They were supposed to be easy reads. Cass almost snorted. He guessed, in a way, from Fiona’s perspective this was an easy novel.
Too bad the story wasn’t from Cassian’s perspective. It would be a damn horror novel, or a psychological thriller.
Edgar’s breath, the sound of his heart and the consistent rocking of his steps was soothing Cass in a way that he couldn’t put into words. It was just a nice feeling and Cass let out a heavy sigh.
"Thank you for being so understanding." Cass told him and felt Edgar twitch.
"What else would I be?" Edgar asked and Cass sighed.
"You could be a dick about all of this." Cass muttered and Edgar let out a laugh. They weren’t even halfway down the long ass walkway of the temple.
"A dick? In what way?" Edgar asked and Cass grumbled.
"Well, you could make fun of me, or get mad at me, or say that I’m an imposter and just...kill me, I guess." Cass said and Edgar jerked to a stop.
"I would never kill you." Edgar’s voice sounded strange to Cass’ ears. Strained, harsh, like he couldn’t believe that Cass would say that. Cass, however, felt his heart fluttering in his chest, terrified he’d even said it out loud.
It was a fear he still had. A fear that he didn’t think would ever go away. Something he thought about constantly even with the change in attitude that the men had towards him. At any moment, they could change their minds about how they felt about him. They could find out more about him and decide, yeah, no, he’s an imposter and we need to get rid of him.
It was a fear that plagued him. It was why he wasn’t able to be happy about the way they were treating him. He subconsciously, either through Cassian or himself, wasn’t able to really forget how they had treated him up until this point. It was a valid fear.
If they were able to change how they felt about him so quickly, couldn’t they do the same, but in reverse?
Cass knew he had trust issues, and so did Cassian. The only reason they didn’t doubt each other was because they both knew there wasn’t another option for them. They were both dead without each other. They had to do this together. Edgar, however, could walk away from all of this if he wanted to.
He was not bound to Cass in the same way, and neither was Lucian. Sure, they were bound until the three month period was up, but that was it.
Three months could pass in a heartbeat.
"Cass, breathe, sweetheart." Edgar’s voice was firm and Cass realised he was hyperventilating. Oh, he was having a panic attack.
He felt like he was outside of his body as Edgar walked him through it, helping him breathe as he watched Cass with concerned, worried eyes. When Cass didn’t sound like he was choking on air, Edgar pulled him in close. He hugged him tightly against him, practically squishing him.
"Cass, babe, whatever you found out, it’s okay." Edgar told him. "I promise you, we can all work through this together. You..." He trailed off for a second, swallowing thickly. "You don’t have to do this alone, okay?" Edgar whispered and Cass blinked. The words were like a damn trigger for him and Cass felt himself crumble again. He tucked his head against Edgar’s shoulder again, his body shaking as tears poured from his eyes. Edgar didn’t say anything, giving him another squeeze before he started moving again.
They were outside rather quickly after that, before they were in another carriage and Edgar just kept Cass in his lap. Cass was numb inside, his feelings muted as he realised how much he was crying. He probably looked like a pufferfish. It was strange that Edgar was treating him so sweetly.
"Why are you so nice to me?" Cass rasped, his voice tight from all of the sobs he was holding back. "You have to have questions. You don’t have to treat me nicely to get answers to them." Cass told him and Edgar let out a harsh laugh.
"That response is exactly why I am treating you sweetly." Edgar told him. Cass flinched. "Cass, you would rather be treated poorly than with kindness. You look like you’re going to flee every time I’m kind to you, sweet to you. Forget wanting to be your lover, but you should be treated this way if we’re just friends. Having a space of acceptance and forgiveness is part of getting close to someone. You showed that for Sam, so why can’t you show that for yourself?" Edgar asked and Cass opened his mouth to respond.
Wait-lover?
"Lover?" Cass asked, finally raising his head to look up at the other man and Edgar laughed.
"That’s what you heard? Nothing else? Come on, Cass. You’re better than that." Edgar scolded, leaning in and pressing his lips against his forehead. Cass was too stunned to respond to both.
Edgar was making his intentions clear, even if he knew that Cass was going to be suspicious of them. It was...It was just like him to keep his hopes up. Very faithful of him.
Cass swallowed and ducked his head against Edgar’s shoulder as if that would hide him from what was happening. Edgar chuckled and Cass felt him press his lips against the top of his head.
"I know you probably don’t want to hear it, but that’s really fucking cute, Cass." Edgar told him and Cass made a small noise of complaint. "It’s only getting cuter." Edgar teased and Cass pouted, hiding his face from Edgar. "Rest. I’ll wake you up when we’re at the mansion." Edgar told him. Cass didn’t need much encouragement. Even if he wanted to stay awake, all of the energy that had been keeping him afloat was fading rapidly.
Exhaustion set in, and soon, Cass was lightly exhaling in Edgar’s arms.