Cass was running. What was he running from? The truth?
The reality he’d found himself in? The sick feeling in his stomach?
All of it, probably.
As soon as the demon king had spoken those words, Cass had fled. He couldn’t stand to be there for a second longer. Was it the cowardly thing to do? Was there more questions he needed to get answers to? Yes, but it was alright.
Cass was allowed to be a fucking coward every once in a while. So sue him, he didn’t want to look at their damn smug faces when they were the ones who had fucked him up. Who had ruined him.
And Cass had finished the fucking job.
Tears streamed down his face.
"I’m sorry. I’m sorry." Cass muttered, speaking to Cassian stuck in him. Cassian had said he was glad that he had gotten the others involved, but he hadn’t known the truth. He couldn’t have, since the gods couldn’t show what he’d found out.
Everything was through Fiona’s eyes, after all.
He was going to turn into a fucking monster. A demon. He had spat in the face of the struggle that Cassian had gone through because of one slip up. He was terrible. Horrible. Fuck.
He was the true Villain of Cassian Blackburn’s story.
He hadn’t turned in the original. Cass was pretty sure about that. It was all because of Cass and his damn attractions and desires. He’d been emotional. He’d let that get the better of him. He’d been the wreck that he always fucking was, and it had cost him again.
He was going to turn more into a demon then he already was.
Cass could barely see through the tears streaming down his face. He raised both hands, trying to wipe them away but it wasn’t working. He was even bad at fucking crying. Fuck. Shit. Damnit.
What was he supposed to do? Hell week was fucking horrible, legitimately. Cass had blacked out during it, even with people helping him. Cassian had to be the one to give him his memories back from those times, and it wasn’t something he was proud of. He was a different person then. No one could argue that he and Cassian could not be recognised in the third thing that he was.
That was the demon side of him. Cass let out a wet laugh, nearly choking on the sound.
Cassian’s body was turning into a rent-a-body situation. It wasn’t funny, it was horrifying. He hoped that Cassian had been there to hear all that. He hoped that he knew. Fuck. What was he supposed to do? What could he do?
They hadn’t been able to lie. That had been made clear from Cassian’s Mother trying to do so, and the lie being caught in her throat. The demon king had made that very clear. Cass felt ill all over again.
He had to pause, leaning against a pillar to collect himself, to be able to fucking breathe, before he continued moving. The walk back felt shorter, because when he got to the crossroads he was still a fucking mess.
Edgar was waiting there, nothing in his hands, his hood up, and at first he seemed excited to see Cass. That faded into concern immediately, and he reached for Cass, holding him up when it looked like Cass was going to collapse.
"Dear god, what happened to you?" Edgar asked, horrified and Cass let out a hysterical laugh.
"I found out the truth." Cass told him and Edgar only seemed to look more confused. He glanced around, clearly looking for somewhere to rest. There were none. How typical of something that demons had made.
"Alright. Okay. You found out the truth. Let’s get you somewhere else, hmm? I think it’s best if we get you out of here, Cass." Edgar was speaking the truth, but Cass was in no state of mind to offer help or advice. Edgar, sensing that, straightened and began to help Cass. He wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him close and tucking his hood up and over his head. "It’s okay, Cass. Whatever the truth is, it’s okay. We’re here for you." Cass wasn’t so sure. He was turning into a demon, and he’d made them accomplices.
Did this mean he was going to lose all of his fairy blood as well? It sounded like his Mom had offered up his human blood to the demon king, but was unable to offer up her half of his fairy blood.
All of this information was confusing him, making his chest feel tight. It was hard to breathe and Cass was seeing spots in his vision.
He was having a panic attack.
"Stop." Cass rasped and Edgar stopped. He turned, watching Cass as he tried to breathe and calm himself down. It took several minutes but Edgar didn’t goad him on. He was just there, his hand on his waist and lower back. Supportive.
Cass reached out, gripping onto his arm as he gasped and sucked in air like a fish on land before he could finally breathe on his own.
"Feeling better?" Edgar asked softly and Cass shook his head. He wasn’t feeling better. He probably wouldn’t feel better until he was able to speak to Cassian again. And apologise. The only way that Cass knew that he could do that would be through the gods. He certainly didn’t want to speak to the demons about it. They, probably like the gods couldn’t see demon contracts, probably weren’t able to see the contract he had made with the gods. So, Cass had to go to a place he didn’t want to. Again.
"Can we go to the temple?" Cass asked softly and felt as Edgar stiffened.
"You need to go to the temple?" He asked and Cass sniffed.
"I don’t need to, but I have...I have questions and I-" Cass had to cut off, the feeling of more tears coming making it hard to speak. Edgar pulled him close, hugging him tightly.
"It’s okay. We can go to the temple. No questions asked. I’m sure they would be happy to have you." Cass nodded, reaching his hands out and holding onto Edgar tightly. He was sure this was awkward for Edgar, but he needed this. He needed to feel someone. Hold someone.
Tears poured from his eyes, soaking into Edgar’s shoulder as Cass shook, trembling as he held onto him.
"I’m sorry." Cass whispered, his voice just a whisper.
"Don’t." Edgar rasped. "Don’t apologise when you’re in so much pain." Cass shut up after that, holding onto Edgar tightly. At one point, Edgar shifted, lifting Cass up and tucking his head against his shoulder more before he started towards the steps.
"I can-" Cass started, hiccupping. Edgar pressed his head against his shoulder gently.
"Hush. It’s alright to rely on me. I promise I have sturdy arms too." Edgar told him and Cass knew his face was ugly at that moment. He was glad that Edgar wasn’t able to see it. He was sure he looked like a snotty mess.
He probably looked like a little kid being carried by another kid. He wasn’t sure if he was going to die from embarrassment or his own fucking hand at this point.
They got to the top of the stairs and the strange feeling that Cass had felt when he had been in the dungeon last time faded. He still had enough of the magic awareness that he could tell that Edgar sent off a magical message before he began to move.
"We aren’t that far from my territory. We should be there shortly and then I can hail us a carriage, alright? Hold on just a little bit more." Edgar spoke softly and Cass just nodded, tucking himself against Edgar’s shoulder more. His hands had slid up and around his neck. He was using him for support and body heat.
The more steps that they took away from the dungeon, the more Cass was able to feel things. He was not expecting the full force of Cassian’s feelings to run into him like a punch to his solar plexus.
Cass gasped as it hit and it was so overwhelming that it took him a moment to process what he was feeling.
Anger, betrayal, fear, sadness, rage and compassion. The man had compassion in there. Cass swallowed, more tears pouring from his eyes as Cassian tried to speak to him while inside of him.
"Ignore what I say next." Cass croaked and Edgar chuckled softly.
"Understood." Edgar agreed readily and Cass swallowed.
"It’s my fault." Cass whispered, speaking to Cassian. Cass felt how Edgar tightened his arms around him briefly, but relaxed almost as quickly. Cass felt Cassian swell up in his anger and take over his mouth.
"It was never your fault. You were just doing your job." It sounded like a different person. Cass could feel it, knew that something could be being revealed to Edgar, but he was too shattered to care. Edgar stiffened. Cassian’s voice wasn’t even raspy.
"I made it worse." Cass whispered, taking over again as Cassian did the same.
"You did what you could so that we could survive. I agreed to it. You did nothing wrong. It was those fucking demons who did this to us." Cassian’s response was full of venom. It burned just hearing the words even if they weren’t directed towards Cass or Edgar. Cass let out a little sob when he took over again.
"It cost us everything. We’re going to turn out like them." Cass sounded broken. He was broken. He was more worried about letting Cassian down then the fucking quest the gods had given him.
"We will never turn out like them. You are making sure of that."