Chapter 34: I’m not like you
Cass barely knocked on the door as he pushed open the door to her office. He’d swept in, surprising everyone after ignoring them for a full week, but he was finally done.
He had to put a stop to this lunacy or he was going to have another ’magical meltdown’.
Lady Fiona, who had been diligently working away at her desk, blinked, taking her glasses off as Cass stormed in with a sour look on his face. His back was straight, his clothing in perfect condition, and not a silver hair was out of place. Lady Fiona looked much the same.
Ever the appearance of a capable, powerful heroine, she sat at a wooden desk not so unfamiliar to his own. Only her stacks were quite a bit smaller than the ones on his, and her room had a more muted floral tone to it.
"Lord Cassian. I didn’t expect to see you today." Lady Fiona said. She didn’t sound hopeful, or even upset. She sounded neutral. Cass knew why.
They hadn’t seen each other in a week, and she had been pestering him with gifts and requests to see him all that time. He had ignored every last one, but now he was here, in her office, much in the same way that she had stormed into his office last.
Cass sighed, hating how it imitated her behaviour, but he couldn’t take it anymore. It was getting too much, and he needed it to stop.
"Lady Fiona, I am sorry for the sudden arrival, but I urgently needed to speak with you." He told her and she straightened her back. She put down her pen, about to get up.
"Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. What was so urgent that you needed to speak to me right away?" She asked, genuinely concerned. "Has something happened? Do you need assistance?" It was clear that she was desperate to help in any way, so Cass hoped that this would make it easier.
"I need you to stop sending me gifts, particularly food." He told her, and she froze. Her slightly opening face froze over, and Cass felt his own jaw tighten as she sat back down. She folded her hands on the table, leveling him with a hard look.
"Why? Is there something wrong with them? If you don’t like them, you can just throw them away." Her voice was cold, harsh, and Cass wanted to groan.
"I am not such a wasteful person." Cass protested and her left eye twitched.
"So? Why does that matter to me? If I’m sending you something, you don’t have to accept it. You can find some other use for it." Cass didn’t understand why she was being like this. Didn’t it make more sense for her to stop the action if it wasn’t benefitting anyone? Why was she being stubborn?
"Does it not make more sense for you to discontinue the action you are taking instead of having me change my ways? I can’t feed my people any more food. They might throw a riot in protest." Her left eye twitched again.
"What is so wrong with the food I send you? Does it not follow along that silly, ridiculous list that your aide gave me?" Her tone was harsh, her expression twisting and Cass felt his own blood boil. It wasn’t silly. Sam was doing his best for Cass, even if he was only hired to work for him.
Cass didn’t know why his food was so restricted, but it was. There was nothing he could do about it. Even Sir Forsythe told him that he should listen to Sam’s words, and Sir Forsythe may be loyal to Lord Blackburn’s father, but that didn’t mean he didn’t care about his son.
"It is not a silly or a ridiculous list, Lady Fiona. I have strict restrictions on what I can consume. While on the outside it appears as if the food fits the description, there is something wrong with the food you are sending. I am politely asking that you stop doing so." Cass said through gritted teeth. Lady Fiona grit her teeth in return.
"If you are having such a hard time with the food, why don’t you just send it into town and sell it? I will not stop trying to assist my husband, Lord Cassian. That would make me a horrible wife." Asking for a divorce was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn’t do it. He knew that she’d say no in the situation, even if every bone in his body demanded that he do so.
"Fine." He said through gritted teeth. "I didn’t realise we had to go this far for you to believe me, but I guess we will. I’ll ask Sam to arrange a meal with your prepared ingredients. If you are concerned that he might have them prepare something outside of what you provided, you can have someone watch him and the chef. Once that is done, you can observe just what exactly happens to me when I eat the food that is provided. Would that appease your curiosity about why I am so insistent?" Her eyes went wide and she went to stand again.
"I am not asking for you to show me, Lord Cassian. I just want you to be honest with me. What is so terribly wrong with you that I can’t even provide something as easy as food for you?" Cass snorted.
"If it was easy, Sam wouldn’t be having such a hard time getting me food that is nutritious." He retorted, and Lady Fiona seemed genuinely hurt. Cass ignored the way that his chest ached.
"I don’t know what that means. I just, I followed what he said, down to a T. Why is what I do for you bad? What am I doing wrong?" She asked and Cass crossed his arms, staring at her.
He didn’t know what to tell her. Where could he even start? She probably wasn’t even aware of what she’d done that was so bad, so cruel. She probably had never had to face the fact that she could do bad things, and had done bad things. Especially to Lord Blackburn, and to Cass.
"Lady Fiona," Cass began and she swallowed. "Do you ever think that sometimes you should stop?" He asked her and she froze.
"W-What do you mean?" She asked and Cass stared at her silently.
"Exactly what I said." He replied and she stood there, stunned.
"I-I don’t know. I’ve never...do you mean stop being the hero or...?" Cass shrugged.
"I mean whatever you think I mean. Have you ever considered it?" When she didn’t respond, Cass glanced around the room before he continued. "Have you ever had a deep thought about what your purpose is, beyond what others have told you it is? Why do you attempt to be good? What has it ever earned you? Why are you so obsessed with everyone liking you, when it’s clear you don’t like them?" Her whole face drained of colour the more that Cass spoke. Her hands curled into fists against the desk, and Cass heard the horrifying crunch of wood as her fingers punctured it like butter.
Maybe he shouldn’t be provoking someone who could do that. That was terrifying.
Lady Fiona was trembling, and from her reaction, Cass was sure that she knew she had these feelings, but had clearly been avoiding them. Locking them away. Cass never understood that. If you don’t like something, don’t do it. If you don’t like someone, don’t hang out around them. Heroes put in so much work and got so little in return.
What did Lady Fiona get at the end of the book?
A marriage to three men she didn’t even like, a villain husband, and the fact that she had to hide her relationship for the rest of her life while faking happiness. These ’gods’ were cruel, and Cass had plans to ruin everyone’s plans. Lady Fiona wasn’t going to get the ’happy’ ending that she wanted, and neither was Cass. Or the ’gods’.
Everyone was going to get exactly what they deserved.
"I-I-" She sounded like a broken record. She swallowed thickly. "Do you...not like me, Lord Cassian?" She asked quietly and Cass stared at her for a long, quiet moment. It was awkward, it was awful, and Lady Fiona grew even more pale as it dragged on.
"There was a time when I considered I could like you." He replied.
But then you had Draken bite Cass without explaining what was going on, and assumed that Cass would be okay with it. Because he revealed something that you would consider a secret, but you used it to your advantage instead of keeping it quiet.
"You...considered it?" She whispered and Cass nodded. "So you aren’t considering it anymore?" She asked and Cass nodded.
"Why should I get along with someone who uses my secrets against me?" Lady Fiona’s whole face fell, and Cass spun on his heel. "I’ll have Sir Forsythe send word when Sam is ready. You are free to send over a maid or what have you to witness if you don’t trust me." He said over his shoulder before leaving the room.
Lady Fiona didn’t say a word as she hung her head, her office door closing with a silent ’click’.