Chapter 29: They’re lesbians, Cass
"Are you hurting someone?" Cass asked, leaning forward slightly. "Is someone going to be in pain when they hear of what you two were doing? Am I going to have to clean up the mess?" Lady Fiona seemed startled by his words.
"W-Well, I hope not, but I do have three other husbands. They might...they might be hurt." Cass blinked. Why was she bringing up her husbands?
"They’re big, powerful men. They can handle it." Cass told her, waving his hand and she frowned.
"They aren’t as strong as you think they are, Lord Cassian." Lady Fiona protested, and Cass gave her a strange look. He knew that she probably saw them in a different light then he did, but he didn’t think that they were weak emotionally either.
Yes, they did open up to Lady Fiona, but that didn’t mean they didn’t have others to rely on. Unlike Lord Blackburn, they were liked, well liked, and usually had a group of people fawning over them, trying to curry their favour.
Lord Blackburn did not have the same.
Even from Lady Fiona’s perspective, Lord Blackburn was an outlier. An outcast. She never called him that, but she did say that there were a few times that he looked...lonely. In the book, it was clear that she felt sympathy towards him. Maybe that was why he allowed her to kiss her, even if they were in a contract marriage.
Obviously that fact was never brought up in the book. It would only make Lady Fiona look bad, so she wouldn’t have made any notes on it. Cass thought it was funny that the one marriage that she had actually planned was one where they had no feelings of affection for each other.
"I think you treat them too kindly, Lady Fiona. Those men...have many people who look out for them." Cass said it quietly, sighed and then ran his hand through his hair. "They can handle something like this." Lady Ava’s face twisted, and tears began to stream down her face.
"Y-You don’t know that! The doctrine says nothing about couples like us, but they still twist it and say that it’s unnatural! I can’t-I don’t want Eddie to look at me with disgust! I don’t think I could stomach it. And the guilt! I can’t handle it anymore, Cassian!" She broke down, sobbing into her hands and Cass felt his eyes widen.
Lady Fiona fell to her knees before Lady Ava, murmuring soft words of comfort to her as she sobbed while Cass processed everything he’d just heard.
Oh. Oh . They weren’t running away to do anything nefarious.
They were running away to be together .
Cass thought back to Draken’s reaction when he’d joked about kissing him, and frowned.
"I have no plans to discuss what I’ve seen today." Cass told the two women. "Truly. It would do me no benefit to do so." He stated firmly. He needed them to understand that he didn’t care, and he wasn’t going to rat them out. Lady Ava paused in her sobbing to inhale deeply, trying to calm herself enough to speak.
"B-But you s-saw-and your family-" Cass winced. How had he been so blind? So dumb?
Friends? Friends didn’t hold each other like this! Friends didn’t share little looks like they did, or smile at each other like that. No wonder Lady Fiona had been so upset with him. She’d been jealous when she found the two of them alone in the temple.
Damn it, how was Cass so dumb? Just because he’d never seen two girls in love before, didn’t mean that he should be blind to it! He’d have to study it some more.
"Lady Ava, this might be, uh, shit." Cass grumbled, ruffling his own hair before he sighed. He rarely spoke about himself, as he was truly, but he didn’t think he could explain this without revealing it.
Cass let out a bitter laugh, and the two women turned to look at him. When Cass turned his red gaze to them, they could feel the pain there.
"Why do you think I asked for a contract marriage with Lady Fiona when it would have been easier to marry another woman?" Lady Fiona’s gaze widened and Lady Ava gasped. She covered her mouth with trembling hands as Cass looked away from them. "There was a reason I wanted my grandfather to give me the title. I can’t stand the rhetoric he spreads. I fear he wants to see another heir before he would even give me the title, and even then, he might skip over me entirely and give it to the child." Cass laughed bitterly.
He didn’t like mixing his reality with Lord Blackburn’s, but there wasn’t much he could do. Even if he had a theory that he shared this in common with Lord Blackburn, he didn’t know for sure. He couldn’t ask him.
"Why did you never say anything?" Lady Fiona asked, her tone hushed and Cass gave them a pointed look.
"The same reason you never said anything, I assume?" He replied dryly and she froze. She glanced between them. Lady Ava who was sobbing, and Cass, who looked like he should be crying.
"I feel like I never knew you, Lord Cassian." She murmured and Cass felt that jab right into his heart. She was right. She didn’t know him, and she would never get to know the man who was here before him either. It was a good and a bad thing, since that would mean she never felt the betrayal of Lord Blackburn, but it also meant she would never get to know his good parts either.
Cass was going to have to try to repair his image slowly, but he needed to get out from under this damn shadow that was Lady Fiona and the hero party, and his own family name and crimes he’d committed. Well, Lord Blackburn had committed, but it was the same as if he had done it with his own two hands.
Not judging the girls for caring for each other was an easy, simple way to prove that he had changed.
"We all have secrets, Lady Fiona. It just appears that I have more than most." Cass told her with a slight smile, and she frowned. Lady Ava sniffed.
"You...do you have...?" She asked and Cass laughed.
"I have no plans to act on my own feelings." He told her, and both women stared at him blankly.
"What? Why?" Lady Fiona asked. Cass shrugged.
"I don’t know. I’ve always been this way. I don’t view my feelings or anyone else’s as a crime, I think it’s completely natural I just..." Cass felt his gaze wander as he wasn’t able to look at their expressions without his heart aching. Especially Lady Fiona. She looked so much like his damn sister it felt like he was having this talk all over again. "I don’t know. I don’t need it?" He said and Lady Ava started bawling again.
"B-But, it’s...I don’t want you to be alone, Cassian!" She wailed and Lady Fiona hushed her.
"Hey, we can’t be that loud, now can we, Ava? It’s alright." She soothed Lady Ava, while her own expression was the complete opposite. "It isn’t...because of me, is it? I don’t mind, Lord Cassian. You could bring in whoever you wanted and I wouldn’t...I would never say a thing about it." She said firmly and Cass laughed.
"It’s nothing like that. I don’t have anyone in mind, and that might be why. I can’t...hm, I guess I’ve just never felt that deeply for anyone before? I’ve never longed for anyone, or dreamed about anyone. I’ve found people attractive, but I just...it just never feels like they would care if I said anything?" Cass pondered out loud and was met with horrified gazes from the women.
"What? Did someone say that to you? Who did? I’ll punish them myself! You are not-You are a very attractive man, Cassian! Anyone would be happy to have your affections turned towards them, even if they weren’t attracted to you!" Cass was stunned by her empowered words, and the firm look in her watery brown eyes.
"Who said such a thing to you, Lord Cassian? No one comes to those thoughts on their own." Lady Fiona was oddly serious and Cass swallowed.
Who had said those words to him? It had been so long he hadn’t even remembered their face, but he guessed those words did have a huge impact on him. Was it because he was an orphan? Is that where this all stemmed from? He took a moment to truly think about it, and when he came up blank, he smiled at them and shrugged.
"It’s nothing major, you two, but I appreciate the vote of confidence from you. I will let you know if someone does catch my eye, but I’m doubtful. And I don’t remember who said it to me either." Cass told them warmly. "Don’t worry. I have no plans to out you two, and I would sooner cut off my hand then do that willingly. It would only hurt you, and that isn’t something I want to do." Lady Fiona and Lady Ava stared at Cass as he began to get to his feet.
"Wait! Lo-Cassian!" Cass froze as Lady Fiona rushed to him, grabbing his arm. Her grip was tight, firm, and he winced. She took her hand off of him immediately. "Sorry! I forgot how fragile you are." She murmured, her eyes glancing down before she looked up at him.
"It’s alright, Lady Fiona. I know you didn’t mean it." That didn’t stop him from rubbing that part of his arm. Lady Fiona sighed.
"You should...you should return to attending meals with us. I only stopped sending invites because you weren’t well enough to leave your rooms. You don’t have to eat the food that we prepare, but it would be good. If you...don’t want to, I would understand, but I feel like we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot all this time and I want to make it up to you." She was so sincere, and Cass smiled at her.
Without a thought, he reached out and ruffled the top of her head. Her eyes widened at the action as Cass stared at her with affection.
"I appreciate the invite. I will attend when I can, but I’m behind on work as the Duke so I might be busy for a while. Now that I’ve wrapped up my week for recovery, I can’t be as free spirited as I was during that time." She gave him a confused look.
"Free spirited? What were you doing in the week you were off?" She asked, clearly confused and Cass laughed.
"I was reading everything I could get my hands on. Some of my memories still haven’t returned, so I wanted to get as much information to fill in those blanks. Clearly, it’s not enough yet, but I’m probably boring you two. Have uh, a good morning, and next time, just use the gate." Cass told them with a smile.
"There’s...a gate?" Lady Fiona asked and Cass chuckled. Because he’d looked over the floorplans, he knew where it was, and he pointed it out to them. After that, with a smile, he waved goodbye to the two women, and began to grapple with the news he’d just found out.
Lady Fiona wasn’t disinterested in just Lord Blackburn. She was disinterested in all of her husbands. Holy shit.
Wait, she could be bi, so she might have some interest in them, but Lady Ava? Lady Ava felt, now that he knew, like a classic lesbian. Maybe? How was he to know? Fuck. He wished he had the internet. Research was so much easier with the internet.
He hadn’t read many girl love novels during his time, so he had very little understanding of them. But what he did know is that this country didn’t accept same sex marriage.
Did that mean...Lady Fiona might be more open to divorce then he thought?