Chapter 274: Sometimes, the idiot juice tastes good
Cass stared at the two, a completely different vibe radiating from the duo now that he felt like he’d found the missing link.
Cass turned to Edgar, who looked like he was about to fucking cry, and Cass gulped. Awe shit. The gossiping romance reader inside of him just couldn’t let this stay as it was.
"Stay there, Lord Ridgewood." Cass ordered as he grabbed Edgar by the arm and dragged the man a few paces away. He left the door open, not slamming it in his face like Cass was sure Edgar wanted him to do. Cass needed to get to the bottom of this, right now. His spidey senses were tingling, and he was a curious man.
Especially when it came to homoerotic stories.
Edgar was surprised by the way that Cass was manhandling him. He appeared to only go with Cass because of it. Cass could tell he wasn’t quite himself still, and when Cass tugged him to a few steps away, just out of earshot of someone like Lord Ridgewood who was a human, Cass stopped. He made sure that Edgar had his back to the wall, and they were in between two windows. The curtains were drawn, and Edgar had a view of what was going on behind them while Cass had a view of just Edgar in front of him, but could see Lord Ridgewood out of the corner of his eye.
"What is going on, Edgar? You don’t seem okay." Cass asked. He wasn’t speaking quite at full volume, but instead speaking with a slightly hushed tone. He was holding onto Edgar’s arm still, and Edgar turned his gaze downward, staring at where he was holding onto him.
"I’m okay. I am. I just...didn’t expect him to come by so soon." Edgar looked awkward. Uncomfortable. Suddenly exhausted. "Can we not have this conversation right now? I shouldn’t have even come down here." Edgar muttered, looking uncomfortable and Cass tightened his grip on his arm.
"You’re not okay, but I understand if you don’t want to talk about this. I don’t want to force you, but also...Edgar, you know that we can’t kick him out of the hero party, right?" Cass said carefully and watched as Edgar’s jaw clenched.
"Why can’t we?" He demanded. "It’s Fiona’s hero party, not his." Cass hesitated at the hostility in his tone. There was something clearly going on here.
"Well, it isn’t actually Fiona’s. It’s the King’s hero party." Cass clarified. As much as they played it off as if it was Fiona’s, that wasn’t the case. Edgar looked bitter.
"We can make up a good reason to-"
"You know that isn’t going to work. If they hear that we’re fighting, they aren’t going to approve of it at all. They are going to revel in it. The three Dukedoms, not getting along after so long of appearing to get along? You know better than I do how the nobility works, and neither one of us has a leg to stand on." Cass told him, and Edgar looked absolutely livid.
"It was Gideon who had a good reputation. Now I fucking understand why." Edgar was pissed, emotional, and Cass felt his mind race. What the hell did that mean? Why was he so upset?
"Was he in good with the others? I’ve only attended a few balls so I have no idea." Cass admitted, since most were scheduled when Lord Blackburn was ’indisposed’. Edgar scoffed.
"He’s great at sucking up to others when he wants to. He just doesn’t try to be around us because he was-" Edgar cut off. "Because he was being himself around us." Edgar dropped his head, and Cass was having a hard time grappling with the fact that this handsome man was devastated. "Gods, what if none of it was real? What if he was lying to me the whole time? What do I do, Cass?" It was a broken question, one born from something Cass had never experienced, nor probably would.
A breaking of a close bond. A truly close bond.
Cass swallowed thickly.
"I...don’t know. I’ve never been close to someone like you have, Edgar. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to lie." Cass told him and that seemed to only upset Edgar more. Edgar raised his hands, covering his face and Cass had to drop his hold on his arm to let him do so.
"Why is this so fucking hard? I just wanted to do what was right. Why did I have to lose everything in the process?" It was a desperate plea. A plea from a man who even though he had done bad things, wasn’t truly a bad person. Cass didn’t like having to face the fact that Edgar was a real human, with real emotions, and how that made him feel.
Cass, unsure what to do, stepped closer and held him in his arms awkwardly. Edgar leaned in. While he had pushed Cass away before, this time it felt like he practically collapsed into Cass’ arms.
Cass just held him, mulling over what to say before he finally just sighed.
"I can’t answer why this is happening, except to say that it’s probably my fault." Cass told him quietly and Edgar jerked in his arms.
"What do you mean?" Edgar asked, a tight edge to his voice. Cass gathered that he was getting ready to get mad at him, and he let out a huff.
"Well, I’m changing what is supposed to happen, therefore, things are going to change. Lord Ridgewood...turning against us and causing you this heartache, hell, even Lady Ava’s change in behaviour is probably all related to me. I..." Cass swallowed. "I, Lord Blackburn, am not supposed to have a good ending. A good story. I must be spreading it to everyone else." Cass said quietly.
He really wasn’t trying to make it about himself. That wasn’t his intention. He was trying to tell Edgar that it was okay to be mad at him. It was okay to put his anger and fear on Cass’ shoulders. He was used to it. He could handle it.
Instead, Edgar shoved Cass away, making Cass stumble and almost fall. Cass caught himself, shocked by the sudden action. A part of his heart hurt, and Cass wasn’t sure why it did. He wasn’t expecting Edgar to grab his shirt and flip their positions. Edgar pushed Cass against the wall, his grip on the front of his shirt surprising, and Cass realised for a second time that he couldn’t get free of the other man’s grip.
He wasn’t hiding how strong he was around Cass anymore.
"What the fuck did you just say to me?" Edgar growled. "That it’s your fault? Are you serious right now?" Edgar was angry, and Cass felt that he had every reason to be angry. Cass gulped, his gut twisting. Yeah, it was his fault. That was how karma worked. The bad decisions that Lord Blackburn had made had to be moved around to other people.
It made the most sense that it was the people ’closest’ to him.
"Y-Yeah. I am. It makes perfect sense. I’m sorry if that upsets you. I didn’t mean for your and Lord Ridgewood’s relationship to deteriorate like this." Cass said, meaning his words. Edgar actually appeared to get more angry.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Cassian Blackburn, are you seriously trying to say that you’re the cause for other people’s dumb decisions right now?" Edgar demanded and Cass realised that it might have sounded a little insane. But, given the fact that he was a god believing man, he didn’t think that this concept was too out of his comfort zone.
"Well, I mean I can’t predict what kind of stupid decision they are going to make, but it kinda checks out. You have no idea what I was going to do, Edgar." Cass told him, and Edgar glowered at him.
"What? What could possibly be so damn bad that you’re thinking like this? What the fuck could it have been?" Edgar demanded and Cass froze.
He wasn’t sure what to say to that, and he was also confused as to why he thought he could bring this kind of thing up without expecting him to ask a clarifying question. Was he the idiot? Had he drunk deeply from the idiot juice as soon as he saw Lord Ridgewood?
"Bad enough that the gods got involved." Cass said quietly, and that made Edgar pause, before he laughed. It wasn’t a nice laugh, but a hard one, and Cass realised that Edgar had practically pinned him against the wall.
Cass didn’t realise it before, but damn, the man might be thin, but he had monster strength. Why the fuck did he get monster strength but Cass didn’t? This felt pretty one sided. If he was going to be a horror beyond general imagination, there should be some fucking perks.
Strength was the least of it.
"Were you going to betray us, Cass? Join hands with the demon King? Because that’s the only thing I could think of that could possibly explain this level of fucking pain." Edgar growled and Cass blinked.
"I would never join the demon king. Not after the hell I went through to not look what was obvious in the face." Cass spoke for him and Lord Blackburn easily. Without flinching.
While Cass wanted to piss off the gods, the last stunt that the demons had pulled? Oh fucking hell no.
They were dead to him. While the gods had taken some of his emotions, they hadn’t reminded Cass of the shit he’d had to go through. They hadn’t made Cass kill himself as a mini boss. That was just fucking cruel, and awful, and everything that Cass would not and could not tolerate from anyone.
Hearing that confirmation from Cass’ lips, without any hesitation, seemed to calm Edgar down slightly.
"Okay. I get it. I’m sorry, I just...I’m emotional. I know I am. I shouldn’t be holding you like this. Not in a place where so many could see us." Edgar mumbled, and Cass watched as his cheeks warmed. "I’m sorry. Seeing Gideon just..." Cass watched the man as he trailed off, looking pained all over again.
"Did you...love him?" Cass felt the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. Lord Blackburn froze inside of him. Edgar froze in front of him, and Cass slapped a hand over his mouth. What the fuck had overcome him to ask that?
Was he a damn fucking fool? He had been drinking of the idiot juice! He needed to get away from others before he-
"No, Cass, I didn’t like him that way. I mean, maybe when we were kids, but I’m not an idiot. Gideon’s as straight as they come." Edgar shook his head, his smile bitter. "You don’t have to worry about him." Cass had dug his own grave.
His own fucking grave.
The man thought he was asking because he was...jealous? Ha! What a load of fucking bullshit!
Cass couldn’t even defend himself because that was when Sir Forsythe decided to come back, and Cass had to stew with this giant fucking miscommunication between him and Edgar now.
Fuck. Fuck!