Chapter 24: When the memories begin to return, get mean
Of course, nothing could come to him easily. He had been a fool to even think he could negotiate with those damn ’Gods’.
Those damn creatures had tricked him. He should have been clear about how he received everything. How he received the story, how he received his memories. Now, he looked like a fool. What an awful way to die for a second time.
Fucking coughing up blood after arguing with a Doctor? What an awful, horrible way to go. It made him look conceited. Like a fool. Ugh. It was embarrassing too. All he could taste was that damn, awful metallic taste in his mouth.
Awful.
His only hope was Lady Ava. He hoped that at least his last message of backtalk to them got through. It would hurt more if it came from someone like Lady Ava. She was so devout, it would shock them, no doubt. He hoped it hurt, hopefully more than the way he had died for the second time.
At least he couldn’t remember the first. A small, inconsequential gift, but still an important one. One did wonder how getting crushed felt, but thankfully his head had probably been crushed first.
"This damn man. In just a week I have to be in this damn, gaudy room twice?" Why did that sound like someone else’s voice? And why did it sound familiar?
"Hush! He can hear you!" Another voice, a woman, chastised.
"No he can’t! He’s fucking dead! Anyone who coughs up that much blood has to be!" The same male voice spoke up, frustrated.
"He isn’t d-dead!" A different female voice warbled.
Slowly, other things came into focus. Like how his whole body was on fire. From the tips of his toes to his damn fingers. Cass groaned, and the shocked gasps of several people could be heard.
"Lord Cassian? Oh, thank the gods!" The previous woman spoke and Cass was frowning as he opened his eyes and stared up at that damn demon-like painting on his ceiling. Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck.
He had kinda hoped he’d died again.
Sam was there, helping him sit up again with an anxious expression on his face and Cass closed his eyes, exhaling slowly as he adjusted to his body all over again.
"Look, if you’re going to die, just do it. Don’t drag it out like this." Draken said, his tone short and aggressive and Cass let out a bitter laugh.
"Ah yes, I am so sorry for inconveniencing you, Lucy." Cass shot back, opening his eyes and watching as the bigger, taller man flushed. Cass felt tired. Not just tired. Exhausted. He shouldn’t have taken the deal. They could deal with this on their own. Damn it, he felt cheated.
At least give him a body that could function properly!
Lady Ava’s hand wrapped around his own, giving it a squeeze and Cass opened his eyes to stare into her brown ones. They were watery, wide, and she looked awful. Her hair was a fluttery mess around her head. When Cass looked around, it appeared that everyone else wasn’t in a better state.
Lady Fiona looked just as bad as Lady Ava, but even Draken and Lord Vespertine looked ruffled. The last one, Lord Ridgewood, was the only one who looked semi-decent.
Byron and Sam looked awful. Sam’s eyes were red, and Byron looked pale and nervous. He didn’t see Sir Forsythe around, but that probably meant he was at the doors, doing his duty.
Lady Ava squeezing his hand had him turning his attention back to her. Her expression was cross.
"I cannot believe you had me speak to them like that." She started, and Cass felt his eyes widen. She was clearly upset, her gaze steely. Cass swallowed.
"Uh, well," Her grip was tight enough on his hand that it hurt.
"I was so embarrassed. They were shocked, surprised, but they did intervene. They seemed...well, apologetic?" She said, slightly uncertain. "They also were quite cross with you. They said you were rushing." Cass didn’t think he was rushing at all. He, in fact, felt like he was behind.
"Wait, I’m missing something here." Draken said, clearly upset that he didn’t know something and Lady Ava cleared her throat loudly.
"This is between Cassian and I, Lord Draken. I know you are going to try and poke more, but leave it." She warned, her tone final. Cass was surprised she was standing up to him for Cass, but also appreciative, even if she was chastising him at the same time.
Cass gave her hand a squeeze.
"Thank you for doing as I asked. Honestly, I think I blamed them for being slow." Cass told her and she stared at him, shocked.
"Slow? Cassian, we didn’t call a Doctor the first time that you were ill because I-" She cut off, her expression firming. "Either way, we didn’t, but when the Doctor looked at you right now..." She shook her head. "Your body is a mess. You need bed rest. A lot of it." She told him and Cass laughed.
No one looked happy as he continued to laugh, his stomach aching as he couldn’t stop. Eventually, he was able to, and when he did, he reached out with his other hand and patted hers.
"I appreciate your concern, but I can’t just take bed rest. I have a lot on my plate. I, thankfully, have recovered some of my memories, and I just don’t have that kind of time." Lady Fiona stood up, coming around to loom behind Lady Ava, staring down at one of her husbands.
"If you don’t rest, there won’t be anything left on your plate since you will wither away to nothing. Lord Cassian, only Lady Ava and I remained in the room besides your aid when the Doctor checked you, and you..." She bit her lip, her expression grim. "You need to eat more. Your magical abilities take a huge toll on your body. You aren’t getting enough nutrients in your diet. Your aid finally walked me through what you normally eat. It’s not enough." She warned and Cass chuckled.
"I’ll be fine." He told her and her eyes blazed with anger. "I’m serious, Lady Fiona. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me." Her grey eyes were lit from within, pure rage growing there.
"You’re fine? You’re fine! What’s the fucking point in being married if you aren’t-" She cut off when Cass gave her a look. A look full of knowledge about the agreement that they had made.
On the loveseats in his office.
Their marriage wasn’t anything like she was making it out to be. She might have married the others because of their feelings for each other, but Cass now knew that their relationship was one of convenience.
Lord Blackburn had needed to marry to have the full rights to becoming Duke Blackburn, and she had needed his power and money to fund her quest. This had happened before the castle had existed, since the desk and loveseats came from Lord Blackburn’s personal study back at the Blackburn manor.
They had made an agreement. It was the reason why they weren’t close. Why they weren’t as intimate together as she was with the others. Cass was pretty sure they hadn’t even kissed, and wouldn’t until a very awkward moment later near the end of the book.
Which led to another thing Cass was having a moment trying to process. He was beginning to understand the feelings he had for these people. The feelings that Lord Blackburn had for these people.
He hated Lady Ava.
It was a little awkward, since Cass didn’t hate her, but for some reason, Lord Blackburn had despised her. He’d actually had rather strong feelings about everyone, but Lady Ava’s were the strongest.
He had the most positive feelings towards Draken, which Cass was surprised about. He would have thought it was Lady Fiona, but that wasn’t the case. He was actually fairly impartial towards her. He just viewed her as a means to an end. Draken, however?
The closest Cass could describe it was a playmate? Someone who could match his energy? That was nice, he guessed? At least he died having a good time with a friend?
"I just don’t understand what the problem is. He clearly doesn’t care about our opinions or your care, Lady Fiona, so why are you trying to so hard?" It was Lord Vespertine who spoke, and Lady Ava shot him a dirty look.
"Eddie! That’s not why we care about people!" She protested, and he shrugged, a smile on his face. Cass chuckled, and everyone turned to look at him.
"He’s right, though. Your opinions on this matter aren’t anything I care about. This is how I’ve lived my life till now, and I will continue to do so." Lady Ava gasped, while Draken, Lady Fiona, and Sam’s face tightened. Lady Fiona looked furious for a long, hard moment as she scanned Cass up and down, before she turned and stormed out of the room without another word.
Lady Ava glanced between Cass and the door, before helplessly, she ran after the other woman. Draken snarled at Cass.
"Just perfect. You spit in the face of their concern. And they call me a monster." He growled. He glanced towards Byron who was pressed against the wall, trying to blend in, before following after Lady Ava and Lady Fiona. Lord Ridgewood followed after him, and Cass was surprised that it was Lord Vespertine who hung around the longest.
"Being like this is only going to hurt you in the long run." He warned, that damn smile still on his face and Cass gave him a knowing look.
"I am aware." He told him, and watched as he raised an eyebrow.
"Yet you still do it?" He asked and Cass glanced around the room, giving him a slightly crazed look.
"What other choice do I have?" He asked and Lord Vespertine stared at him before he left the room. Sam rushed over, fussing over him as Byron made sure the doors were closed behind him.
"They’re right, my Lord. You do need to eat more! I-"
"Sam." Cass cut him off and he shut his mouth. Cass could feel the shift, and he knew that he’d fucked up, but it was too late. Cass had remembered some of Lord Blackburn’s memories, and thus, some of his mannerisms had returned. The snarky, snippy way he had of speaking, the conceited look.
There were just some things it was hard to shake once some memories came back.
"Fuck. Sorry." Cass apologised, covering his eyes with his hand. "Byron, can you bring those books you brought for me earlier into the bedroom? I doubt Sam is going to let me go back to the office, and I still need to do some reading. Sam, can you open the windows to let some light in, and make me some tea? I promise, I’m fine now. It was just a side effect, I think, of my memories coming back, and the deal I made with the gods." Sam gasped, covering his mouth before his gaze slid to Byron.
"Are you sure you should be saying that?" He asked, and Byron himself looked concerned.
"Yes, my Lord. You should be keeping that a secret." Cass chuckled.
"You two are potentially going to change me, you’re going to wonder what the new mark on my body is going to mean when it shows up, so I’m telling you in advance. That also will explain why I’m having to push them away again." Cass told him and Sam’s expression went slack.
"O-Oh. Alright. I’ll go get you your tea." He nodded, rushing and Byron joined him, rushing to grab the books he’d requested.
In the few moments of silence, Cass stared down at his hands. They weren’t stained with blood, and Cass wondered how they cleaned them. Who had cleaned them? Fuck. This was going to be hard.