Chapter 211: I’m not here to give you a faith crisis
Cass didn’t think that Fiona would be that serious about what she had said. Not that he doubted her intentions, okay, maybe he thought she said it just as lip service, but who could blame him? He wasn’t certain if anything anyone said to him was real.
So he wasn’t really expecting that Fiona would give Vespertine the cold shoulder as soon as they came back to join everyone. He also hadn’t expected how she would one-sidedly speak to Cass, not the both of them.
Vespertine, for his part, seemed to think this was completely deserved and didn’t question her behaviour in the slightest. That only made Cass more confused.
If he knew what he did was bad, why had he done it?
It became clear once Lucian and Lord Ridgewood came back from their patrol. Both men looked uncomfortable, tired, but Fiona didn’t give a shit.
"Don’t lay a damn finger on Cassian while I’m gone, Gideon, or I swear to the gods you adore that I’m going to hang you by your underwear and let vultures pluck at your eyes." It was a wild threat to hear come from her mouth, since she hadn’t shown that level of aggression so far.
Every man who heard her was surprised as she got to her feet, glowering. She reached for Vespertine’s collar, pulling him up to his feet and even Cass heard his clothing tear. She then dragged him towards Lucian, grabbing him by his ear and tugging him down to her height.
"We’ll be back." Her voice held a warning, a deep, serious threat in her voice. Cass stared after her, shocked, while Lord Ridgewood watched her, a mixture of emotions on his face.
"She...looks very upset." He said tentatively and Cass let out a forced laugh.
"Yeah. She does look very upset." He said and Cass could feel how the other man’s gaze slid to him before it jerked away.
"Are you...alright? Lucian and I have been away for quite some time." Cass blinked, before he realised what the other man was asking. Cass let out a deep sigh.
"I do feel unwell, but not unwell enough that I need to have him near me. As long as I’m not actively lying down on the ground, I should be okay." That seemed to interest the other man. His face didn’t change from his look of distrust, but his interest seemed to soften him slightly.
"Does it get worse when you lie down?" He asked and Cass shifted. This was something he could talk about, and it was an easy distraction. Plus, it was better than talking about what they were beginning to hear.
The sounds of flesh hitting flesh, and the low groans of men getting their shit rocked. Cass had to actively make sure he wasn’t smiling. He should have just subbed in Fiona from the beginning. Especially since she was so willing and so damn pissed.
"Yeah. I think it’s a surface area thing. Like, the more that my body touches at once, the faster my body is...drained? I think that’s the only word to describe it." Cass told him and Lord Ridgewood tentatively sat down. The fire was on the smaller side since Lucian hadn’t been there to start it with his dragon fire, but it was still nice. There were three benches set around it, and Lord Ridgewood was sitting to the left of him.
"How interesting. You would think-" He cut off, his face frosting over again and he looked away. It was interesting to see this. It was clear that Lord Ridgewood wanted to ask more questions, but he was once again reminded that Cass had demonic blood. Cass chuckled.
"It is interesting, isn’t it? Lady Ava said the same thing as well. We didn’t really get the time to explore it, but I do think we lack significant knowledge on demons. I don’t even know what I am. I actually didn’t really know I was anything but fairy for certain until Lady Ava said something." Lord Ridgewood looked conflicted hearing those words from Cass’ mouth.
He knew that was what happened. How could anyone not know with the way that Cass had responded?
"The temple tells us not to learn more about those who harm us." It sounded like he was saying something that he’d heard several times. Considering how many questions that Lord Ridgewood had asked him, Cass wondered if that was from a personal memory. Had Lord Ridgewood been told to shut the fuck up as a kid because he asked too many questions?
Cass chuckled at the thought. He probably would have been very annoying if they had met back then. Especially to a military family that was more physical.
"That just leaves you blind when you need answers." Cass said and watched as Lord Ridgewood twitched. It was subtle, just a little one, but Cass knew that he’d struck a nerve.
He was a soldier. He needed to know the weakness of others, he had to find that out. Those two ideals would directly contradict each other. The things he’d been told by the temple, and the things he had learned as a family inheritance.
"That’s-" He shut himself down. He ran a hand through his hair, jerky, and Cass leaned forward, a slight smile on his lips. He was listening to the men being beat up, to Lady Ava’s soft breathing, and the crackling of the fire in front of them.
"I’m not trying to poke holes. It’s just the truth, and you know that from personal experience, Lord Ridgewood." Cass just shrugged, leaning back. "Speaking to the gods told me that I needed to know more." Cass said and watched as Lord Ridgewood’s eyes widened.
"I noticed you were reading more in the library." He said slowly. "You were reading a lot of entry level books. Books you should have read in your youth." That was making a lot of assumptions, Lord Ridgewood. Cass just smiled. He didn’t have to answer that, since it wasn’t a question.
Lord Ridgewood grew uncomfortable as Cass didn’t answer. The silence dragged on before Lord Ridgewood made a noise of frustration.
"What have you been looking into?" He finally asked and Cass chuckled.
"I’ve been looking into what the general public knows about demons, and trying to find out more for my own personal use. Clearly, now, it makes a bit more sense. I wasn’t doing it because I was looking for answers for myself. Not originally. It was just...curiousity. A thirst for knowledge." Whether Lord Ridgewood believed him or not was none of his business. He wasn’t really trying to convince him of anything. "We lack a lot of knowledge on demons, and the gods for that matter. We have no idea about their intentions, nor why they are fighting so hard. Are all gods good? Are all demons bad? Who knows?" Cass said with a shrug.
He thought it was just a simple question, but it looked like Cass had shattered Lord Ridgewood. Broken him.
"You are questioning the gods?" He asked. "After you’ve spoken to them?" He repeated and Cass chuckled.
"You would understand if you had ever spoken to them. I understand that Lady Ava was raised to speak to them politely, but I think Fiona and I have had relatively similar interactions with them. I hate to say it, but they sound relatively normal." Cass said. Ignoring the chainlike feelings, the black void, the voices that held no gender.
Yeah. Very normal interactions.
Lord Ridgewood was staring at him like he had two heads.
"Prophets before you have never spoken so...openly about it." He sounded horrified and Cass chuckled.
"Again. I do think the prophets were coached on what to expect when speaking with the gods. I didn’t get such a briefing. One moment, I was myself and the next..." Cass cut off. He shouldn’t tell the man who was already in shock that he thought they were demons at first, should he? Yeah, that might be too far. "Well, I was living out someone else’s life." Cass muttered quietly and Lord Ridgewood stiffened.
"Are you sure they were gods?" He asked. Cass raised an eyebrow. The other man was now questioning the gods, but it was a fair point. Cass felt his lips twitch.
"Believe me when I tell you, yeah. I knew that they weren’t demons." Cass muttered and Lord Ridgewood went a little pale.
"I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have questioned your interaction with-" Cass knew he was only apologising because he had questioned the actions of the gods he loved so much, but that was okay. Cass wasn’t upset either way, nor did he care.
"It’s fine. Given what we’ve all found out, it’s a valid concern, but no, I haven’t spoken to any demons. At least, not any that I’ve been aware of. They do hide in plain sight, don’t they?" Cass was being a little cheeky, but he couldn’t help it. Lord Ridgewood was making it easy to poke him.
Lord Ridgewood stiffened, glaring at Cass but he didn’t say anything about that.
"So you are certain it was the gods?" He confirmed and Cass nodded. "Then they must have given you a task of some sort. They normally don’t reach out for no reason." Cass didn’t want to be the one to tell him that his dear ’gods’ had made a mistake and had killed him too early.
He honestly just found that navigating that conversation would be too much of a hassle, and he didn’t really care if Lord Ridgewood remained faithful or not. He didn’t think he, Cassian Blackburn, would be the reason he would change his mind on anything.
"Nope. They just wanted to correct my ways." Cass lied. He was speaking more for Lord Blackburn, not for Cass. Lord Ridgewood didn’t need to know that, and Fiona wasn’t here and Lady Ava was asleep. No one was here to catch him lying.
Lord Ridgewood stared at him for a long, long moment.
"How badly were you messing up for the gods to take that moment to speak to you?" He asked and Cass felt a wide grin cross his face.
"You have no idea."