Chapter 201: Something to kill the time
Cass cried so much that it was beginning to make the two men trying to comfort him concerned. Vespertine left to go get Fiona, to see if that would help, but Cass was inconsolable. He felt like the fragile peace he’d been working towards was shattered.
He couldn’t trust Sam, the secret that Lord Blackburn had been hiding from not just them, but Cass as well, had been revealed. He’d had to kill himself just fucking yesterday. Cass wasn’t sure there was a way to come back from this.
Fiona seemed to get it, and she didn’t ask, just began to wrap Cass’ hands with an approved medical wrap and then ordered Lucian to go to bed. Cass felt like a damn doll. He could tell that the others wanted to talk to him, but now wasn’t the time. Cass knew it, and they could tell that it wasn’t from the way that Lucian had him tucked into his chest, his orange eyes glaring at everyone, daring them to harm him.
Lucian didn’t bother with putting Cass down in his own bed. Instead, he wrapped himself around Cass, holding him tightly as he still cried, quieter now, and wrapped the blankets around them like last night. Cass couldn’t even protest.
Feeling the other man’s heat against his body was the only thing keeping him sane. He was an anchor, even if he was still mad at him. Lucian wasn’t pulling any funny business. He just held him.
"You’re breaking my hearts, Cass." Lucian muttered at one point. "My poor baby. I won’t let them harm you. I promise." It was a quiet promise, but it held weight to it. It only made Cass cry more.
Cass was sure that the tears were the reason he fell asleep. He couldn’t even remember nodding off. All he could remember was the weight of Lucian’s arm on his body, the soft, gentle circles he was rubbing into his back, the softness of his breath and the weird, but soothing sound of two hearts beating against his ear.
It didn’t feel normal, but what about this situation was normal? He’d lied about who he was, what he was to try to avoid this whole fucking situation and then it had happened no matter what. He should have just told the truth.
Then he wouldn’t feel as guilty about making his sister out to be a part of his imagination.
~
Cass didn’t wake up in the middle of the night like the previous one. Part of it probably had to do with the fact that he was wrapped around Lucian the whole night, the other part had to be due to the sheer level of exhaustion in his system.
Cass didn’t need help of threat or whatever Lucian was suggesting yesterday to wake up. He woke up slowly, but he woke up on his own. The furnace that was Lucian covered him, and Cass found his face cradled against his chest. He was able to breathe, but just, and it took Cass a few seconds of quiet peace before everything began to rush in.
His heart began to race in his chest, his palms grew sweaty. His eyes felt swollen, sore, and his hands felt...swollen? He had no idea why that would be the case. Maybe he cried too many liquids out?
He tried to calm himself enough to be able to hear movement outside. It took him a few moments, but when he was finally able to hear past the sound of his own heart, he couldn’t hear anyone stirring outside. It must have been just a little bit too early. Cass calmed down slightly. He couldn’t go back to sleep, he didn’t have it in him, and he didn’t want to continue laying in Lucian’s arms like this.
Trying to think about what he could do, Cass eventually stumbled across a thought. He could read. He could read the book that he promised himself that he said he would, and then hadn’t due to everything in the world exploding. It was just Lucian in the room, the tent, and he was asleep.
This was pretty much the most privacy he could get right now, and honestly, he wasn’t looking to see if he was wrong. Or if Lady Ava was wrong. She was their demon expert. Kind of. It should have been Vespertine, but he was compromised by the simple fact that he wasn’t human either.
Cass shook his head.
He needed to not think about the little details. He was only going to work himself up more, and probably start crying again. He felt like a delicate flower, like a lily or something. Big, showy petals, but bruise easily.
Cass began the process of trying to get out of Lucian’s arms. Lucian frowned immediately and one of his eyes slid open.
"Where are you going?" He growled, looking like he was pouting. "I want my body pillow." Lucian said and Cass felt his face heat as he tilted his head back to meet his gaze.
"Uh, I was going to read? In the tent?" Cass offered the other man and Lucian pulled him close, squeezing him against his chest.
"No. You’re already in several states of distress. I don’t want you doing something that is going to make you more distressed. Don’t open that mouth and lie to me. I can tell from the emotional firestorm that is inside of you that you aren’t reading that dirty book of yours." Cass’ face warmed.
"I’ve been putting off reading it. I...I need to." Cass told him slowly. Lucian and Cass lay there for a moment, Lucian not releasing him, but not tightening his arms around him either. Cass lay there, the length of their bodies intertwined and pressed together. Cass was actually a little surprised that he wasn’t upset about that.
He couldn’t even find a part of himself that was genuinely upset that the man was wrapped around him, his legs shoved aside until Lucian was everywhere. He should have been. He knew that he should have been, but he couldn’t find it in himself.
Finally, Lucian sighed and his arms loosened around him.
"You can sit up and lean against me to read. I’m not letting you out of my touch." Lucian warned and Cass felt his lips turn up in a smile. He chuckled.
"That worried, huh?" Cass asked, teasing, and Lucian growled.
"Tease me more and find out how I taste in the morning." Lucian warned and Cass felt his face warm immediately. "I’m not against kissing you or anything else when you look like a pufferfish. I don’t have human sensibilities." Lucian’s voice was deep with sleep, slightly gravelly already and Cass shivered at the implication in his tone.
He wanted to test him. Say that he wouldn’t, but at the same time...
"I was just joking." Cass muttered, a little bitter and Lucian squeezed him against his chest again before he opened his arms.
"Mm. That’s good. I like it when you joke with me. Now get up so I can shove my hands around your thighs." Cass felt his eyes widen.
"My thighs?" He repeated and Lucian sighed.
"It’s warm." Cass wasn’t thinking about that. Sure, it was warm, but it was also...near some very vital things.
Things that Cass knew would be pretty sensitive to that kind of touch, always.
"Only the top and outer sides of my thighs." Cass told him firmly as he raised up into a seated position. He could tell that Lucian was pouting from this angle.
"Why? The inside is warmer. I want a Cass heating pad." He opened both eyes to look at Cass and Cass flushed as he met the slitted, dragon gaze. It was too early in the morning for him to be faced with such a fascinating sight.
"No. I’m sensitive." Cass whispered and Lucian’s gaze brightened and his smile turned feral.
"Oh, I know that." Cass felt his jaw drop at the smug tone he’d taken.
"Then you know damn well that I’m not going to let you do that. Outer or top, or you get my waist." Cass warned the man and Lucian sighed heavily, as if this was a great and arduous task.
"You run a tight ship, Lord Blackburn. I guess I’ll take what I can get." Lucian murmured as Cass turned his back to him and flinched as Lucian’s hands slid down his thighs. He settled down eventually, and Cass could finally find an ability to think.
Without another thought so he couldn’t doubt himself, he waved his hand, bringing over his bag so that he could grab the book. He needed both hands to pull it out, and when he placed the heavy tome on his legs, it felt very, very real.
Cass swallowed, his heart racing in his chest. He could do this. It wasn’t going to be too scary. He was just...reading. That’s all he was doing. He’d done a lot of that, he could manage this.
Cass put his bag to the side, careful to avoid putting it on Lucian’s head or face, and turned back to the book. He touched the cover, almost feeling like it should burn him, before he flipped it open. Staring at that table of contents again sent a different kind of shiver down his spine. Instead of searching, Cass just turned the page again and found that he was faced with an author’s note, a description, right away.
To help all of the mixed bloods who have always wondered what was wrong with them. I see you, and you aren’t what your parents or society made you out to be. May this be a guide, an instruction manual on what makes you unique. Nothing is inherently evil.
What a fucking omninious statement. It had Cass’ hands convulsing. It felt like it was written just for him, but when Cass checked, it said that this more recent version was printed 10 years ago.
With trembling hands, Cass flipped the next page and began to read. He had this. He could do this without losing his mind. This wasn’t even...this wasn’t even his body.