Chapter 192: This couldn’t be worse
Cass cleaned out both his and Vespertine’s glass with a wave of water magic while Vespertine recorked the ’wine’ and Cass began his little stroll. Each step inside of his walls felt like a weight was being pressed down on his back.
He wondered if this was something he shared with Lady Ava, this extreme weight and if that was what collapsed her, but he’d have to save that question for when they were both awake.
Cass could practically feel where the other trio were. The sounds played a big part in his ability to locate them, but with the kind of magic he was using, he felt a bit more attuned to his surroundings. He wondered if this was going to happen every time he used this kind of magic, because he didn’t consider this a bad side effect.
Unless it carried on after he finished using his powers. Then it would be annoying.
Cass tested the walls, making sure they were the same width that he wanted them to be, or had imagined them being when he cast his magic initially. He could tell that a few weren’t as thick in certain parts, but he kind of blamed that on the rush job he had to do. Most of those thinner parts were where undead had been. Lucian’s work was littered all around those parts.
Honestly, Cass was pretty impressed with himself. He had wanted a fortress, and he had gotten one. He was so pleased with himself with how it had turned out. The thinner parts weren’t weak by any means, just thinner compared to the thick slabs of stone that were beside them. Sending all of this back might take more magic then summoning them, or maintaining them, so Cass was bracing for that.
He made his way back to Vespertine after that, and the two of them remained quiet while they waited for the sounds of distant moans and grunting faded until silence filled the air. Cass wasn’t sure what to do, or what to say. Cass almost had an idea of what to ask when Vespertine cleared his throat.
"So...I was on watch yesterday." Vespertine said quietly and Cass felt his concentration falter immediately. Cass’ gaze shot to Vespertine’s, and when they locked eyes, Cass could tell that he had heard everything.
All thought left Cass’ mind, only the muffled screams of him yelling that he wanted to strangle himself filling his mind. Vespertine’s grip on his wrist shook Cass out of the spiral.
"The wall, Cass." He reminded him firmly and Cass took a deep breath. Fuck. The wall. He needed to focus on that, not the fact that he felt like his world was falling apart because fuck, Lucian had been right, and Cass had been...
Not in his right mind was a polite way to put it. An uncontrollable beast who only thought with his dick was another way to put it.
"Was it that shocking that I brought it up?" Vespertine asked, teasing, light. He was trying to make this easier for Cass to process, but Cass nodded, his face not blushing like Vespertine probably expected, but going ashy white. Shock didn’t even begin to cover what Cass was feeling.
"I...I didn’t...I’m not..." Cass was struggling to speak. His tongue felt too big for his mouth, his muscles felt strange and twitchy and his left eye wouldn’t stop twitching as if in response. His heart was beating away in his chest, and he didn’t know what to do.
"Cass, it’s okay. It was probably better that it was me that heard, and not Gideon or Fiona." Vespertine spoke softly and Cass shook his head. It would have been best if no one heard. Hell, he didn’t even know why it had happened, he didn’t want to think that someone else had heard him.
"Does...Did you speak to Lucian about this?" Cass asked quietly. For some reason those words came out easily, while everything else felt like a struggle. Vespertine was scanning Cass’ face, trying to get a read from him. It helped that Vespertine was still sitting on the chest, lowering himself slightly.
Cass wasn’t short in this body, wasn’t small, but he wasn’t as tall as Vespertine or Lucian. Lord Ridgewood was the only one who was close to his height of the males, while Fiona was just a little bit shorter, and Lady Ava was shorter still. That small bit of height difference was saving this situation. If Vespertine was his normal height right now, he might have felt like he was smothering him instead of trying to comfort him.
A tug on his hand, Vespertine’s fingers wrapped around his own.
"Hey. Focus. You’re not in trouble, okay? I was just...teasing." Vespertine said and Cass met his gaze again. "I did speak to Lucy. We came to...an agreement. No one else knows, Cass. I promise. I was just...surprised. Lucian said he was surprised too. You didn’t seem like the type that would-" Vespertine cut off, his blue eyes going wide as Cass felt even more horror fill him.
Was he...crying?
He couldn’t deny it as another tear fell from his eye, splashing onto the stone floor that made up this dungeon.
"My gods, Cass. Please, don’t cry. I’m a dead man if Lucian and Fiona find out. I-I’m sorry I brought it up! Please. You look so terrified, I feel terrible." Vespertine was begging, tugging on Cass’ hand. Cass just dropped his head, his shoulders shaking.
"I don’t know what happened or what came over me. It wasn’t like me. I didn’t want to. I-" Cass gulped air into his lungs, feeling awful. Vespertine’s hand tightened around his.
"Did Lucian force you?" His voice held a dangerous note to it and Cass shook his head miserably.
"No. I’m the bad one. I shouldn’t have-I was in the wrong. I don’t know what happened. I hate losing control like this." Cass whispered brokenly, some of the emotions he’d been ignoring from when he’d gone through the initial week-long event bubbling to the surface. "Thank you for bringing this up when no one else was around." Cass knew it was a small luxury. Something he might have earned because of what happened yesterday day, but he was grateful for it.
Pity could get you places.
"You...don’t know what happened? I-Are you alright?" Vespertine asked and Cass let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. Was he alright? No. The man was the furthest from alright that he’d ever been. Between yesterday, yesterday night, and right now? Cass was going to need a detox of a week free from everyone when he got back, but that wasn’t in the cards.
They needed to go to the capital, probably directly from the dungeon and deal with that shit storm, plus the potential that this dungeon could take them a long time to clear, so he could have to end up in a damn bedroom all alone, suffering for a damn week again.
He was not alright.
Nevermind that Vespertine was seeing him so vulnerable. He was blaming yesterday for how easily he was breaking down. He hadn’t built up his walls again yet. He wiped desperately at his eyes, trying to wipe the tears away, but they just kept coming.
"No." Cass said quietly, brokenly, and Vespertine sighed before he yanked Cass down. Cass stumbled, falling as the other man curled him into his lap and hugged him tightly.
"There there. I’m sorry I’m not Lucy, but I can at the very least offer you my warmth. Whatever happened, clearly, you don’t know or you wouldn’t be acting like this. I won’t tell anyone. I’ll keep it to myself. A secret between the three of us, alright? Besides, why the hell would I tell on you? How would I benefit? You’re one of the heroes my family is supposed to protect. So, I’ll do that, okay?" Cass didn’t know what to say to the quiet, but powerful words that Vespertine said.
"You don’t even like me." Cass blurted, unable to help himself. Vespertine froze as Cass continued. "You just like using me and making fun of me. How can I trust you?" Cass asked. Vespertine held him tighter, tucking Cass’ head into his shoulder.
"Fair question. My apologies. I haven’t exactly been good to you, have I? Shit. I’m sorry Cass. I promise on...damn it, on my family name that I won’t tell anyone about this. If Lucy brags, I can’t stop him, but I won’t breathe a word of it. On our shared bond of ’wine’, alright? I...It hurts me to see you like this. You’re usually so much stronger than this." Vespertine sounded upset too but Cass couldn’t bring himself to say anything else.
He was upset. He was angry. He was disgusted with himself. In the moment, Cass was pretty sure he didn’t mind. He had just been...he’d been using Lucian for his own personal benefit, but now that he was being faced with the reality that someone else had heard them, Cass was feeling ill to his stomach.
He was fine using others. Under normal circumstances, but this wasn’t a normal thing. This was...taking advantage of someone for sexual reasons. Even if the two hadn’t gone much further than kissing, Cass still considered it something that serious.
"I think I might throw up." Cass whispered and Vespertine turned, helping Cass get up and move away from him. Cass only retched, not actually throwing up anything and that only made it somehow worse.
It was at that moment that the door began to be pushed open. Cass could feel it, like an intruder entering into his own home. Cass blinked slowly, trying to gather himself after the emotions that had filled him and overflowed.
He couldn’t let the others find out about this. It was then that he remembered his connection with Lucian and he felt his blood run cold. Shit. Fuck.
Lucian was going to-he was going to lose his damn mind on Vespertine. Urgently, Cass turned and rushed towards Vespertine, his red eyes wide with worry.
"I forgot about the bond." Cass whispered urgently and Vespertine’s blue eyes went wide as well.
"Oh, we’re so fucked." Hearing the words from Vespertine’s mouth made Cass laugh, and he slapped a hand over his mouth. This felt like they were children who got up to something naughty, or like they were doing something that they shouldn’t be. His laughter continued to spill over and Cass couldn’t stop it.
So when the others came back, Cass was bent in half, laughing his ass off while Vespertine stood over him, his foot on the chest, looking helpless with his hands out while Lady Ava slept peacefully next to them.