Chapter 178: Two souls, one body
Cass took a second to realise how worked up he was, and how easy it had been for Fiona to get him there. It was completely understandable. He had attempted, naturally or unnaturally, to put a barrier between his emotional state and the hell that was this dungeon.
That hadn’t worked out well for them as soon as they encountered the true nightmare of this room, and Cass learned how fucking devious the demons actually were. He should have known better. The gods hated them, and Cass could only think of two reasons as to why the gods would hate them.
They were either the complete opposite of the gods, or they were just like them. Cass had hoped for the first, but was becoming uncomfortably aware that it was the latter.
"It doesn’t matter." Cass muttered, taking a deep breath and trying to calm himself down. He wasn’t right. He probably wouldn’t be okay until long after they were out of this hellhole of a dungeon, but that was okay. Cass knew that Lord Blackburn had never allowed himself to be not okay around anyone, but Cass was in charge right now.
Yes it was a vulnerability, but it was also a power move. How else had Lady Ava gotten such a deep hold on everyone else? They were all big, bad protectors. Whether she was aware of it or not, she had used her weakness to get them to feel bad for her. Cass, who had been kind of fighting against that narrative was going to lean into it until he was out of this damn fucking dungeon and able to breathe properly.
It wasn’t the worst plan, and hell, if Lucian wanted to carry him around like a princess, or even Fiona, at this point, Cass was just going to take the free ride. He didn’t have the luxury to complain. He’d thought he would have been better than this, had said he would be. He was thankful he was able to use his magic, thanks to Lucian’s lessons, but damn it if he wasn’t pissed at the state of his body.
Cass was going to have to face it when he got out of this dungeon. If Fiona was intent on making sure he was okay before anything else would happen, divorce or otherwise, he needed to focus on making sure he was stable enough that he didn’t cause anyone else to worry. Fiona hadn’t seemed...actually opposed to the divorce, only worried that it would leave Cass without support.
Cass wanted to argue that he couldn’t build support with her around, but he was tired. He didn’t want to argue right now. He’d just gone through an emotional rollercoaster, his body felt ill just being here, Lady Ava, unintentionally or not, made it worse. Cass was hanging on by a thread, and he didn’t have enough pride to not make that obvious.
He was not Lord Blackburn.
Fiona looked at Cass, her lips dropping slightly, but still turned up. The exhaustion was still in her face, but it was clear that she was enjoying teasing him. She shook her head, chuckling slightly. Her clothes were dirty, her hair a mess, and Cass, without much thought, pointed a hand at her and waved. Magic flowed from him, and Cass was able to sense it more clearly in this dungeon than anywhere else as he used a simple spell he’d created to clean her up. A thank you of sorts for not killing him.
Fiona’s eyes went wide as Cass put his hand down, his breath a little shaky after using the magic. He wasn’t feeling weak, actually he felt pretty invigorated by using it. Like a breath of fresh air had just gone through his system, cleaning out the bad gunk. He filed that away as something he had to pay attention to, but not right now.
"Did you just-" She cut herself off, before she shook her head. "Cassian, you can’t-that’s not-that magic is reserved for higher beings." She said, stepping forward and whispering quietly. "Like dragons and demons and high level elves. Two of those are mythic beings." Fiona told him quietly, and Cass had to blink.
He had two.
They had two dragons around them. Two. If they were so damn mythic, why the fuck had she pulled two around her? And he was part fairy, how far off was that from a damn elf? And why did this story have both fairies and elves if fairies had pointed ears and a deep connection to nature? A deep enough one that he felt so damn ill being here?
Cass wanted to have a strongly worded conversation with the gods again, but the last time he did that he got his fucking emotions suppressed.
Either way, Cass was still going to complain about this. He felt his gaze turn to Lucian. It was an automatic response, and Fiona did the same. The man was deep in thought, his expression dark as he leaned against a different stack of pallets, his arms crossed and his head slightly bowed.
As if sensing that the two of them were looking at him, he raised his head. He raised his right hand to give a wave and Cass gave a snort.
"He never said a damn thing." Cass complained, and Fiona slid her gaze back to him. "He never said a damn thing about the magic I was using being not quite what a human should be using. That fucker. That damn fucking-" Cass stopped himself, knowing full well that it wasn’t going to make anything better.
Fiona’s body began to shake before she started laughing out loud. Cass felt his whole body turn red, and she just continued to snort.
"This is-I had no idea how deeply your dynamic with him had changed." She muttered, before her eyes softened. "Mm, no, maybe I should have. He almost lost your mind when you started bleeding from your eyes. He looked very very upset." She said and Cass swallowed. He didn’t want to hear about how close he was getting to Lucian.
"I’m going to blame all of this on the gods. They did say they were going to give me something related to magic, this must have been it. Outwardly, I’m blaming the bond I have with Lucian." Cass muttered and Fiona snorted.
"Fair enough. I’ll follow your lead on this, fellow hero." She said, teasing, and Cass made a face. Fiona’s eyes were warm, bright as she got to witness this side of Cass. Cass didn’t know why she was making it such a big deal. Well, not a big deal, but why was she so happy about it?
Cass was an asshole. Why was she excited to see how much of one he was?
"I’ll talk to him privately about it. Honestly, You just seemed so tired that I just did it automatically. Was it a bad thing?" Cass asked her, hesitating for just a moment before he continued. "I’ve...forgotten a lot of the common sense things of this world. I’ve been trying to relearn everything, but doing so without anyone else noticing has been...hard." Cass told her and Fiona sighed.
"Cassian? Can I hug you?" Cass felt his eyes widen in surprise.
"Why?" He shot back immediately, taken aback. Fiona’s smile was a little bitter.
"Because I think you need it. I need it." She told him. Cass hesitated.
"I’m not exactly fond of physical touch." He told her. "I never have been, in both lives." Fiona’s lips twitched slightly.
"I would like to argue that both of your lives haven’t really allowed time for you to be physically affectionate with anyone. You hugged your...sister, didn’t you?" Cass hesitated.
"No. Not really. We were close but...we didn’t want others to know we were close. It was dangerous for us." It looked like Cass’ words broke something inside of Fiona. He could tell she deflated slightly, and then her jaw hardened.
"I’m hugging you. I’m warning you about it now. This isn’t a threat, but as someone who has grown up without parental figures her whole life, I have a feeling we could have grown up similarly if I hadn’t had my mercenary band. Hugs are important for your health. They are important for your mental health. Especially right now when you are in distress." Cass wanted to complain, but it wasn’t like he was an idiot.
He had read the books. Even if it sounded like bullshit coming from Fiona’s mouth, Cass couldn’t find it in him to complain from her viewpoint. Instead, all he could say was that he didn’t like them, and Fiona wouldn’t budge.
"You either open your arms and let me hug you, or I hug you without your arms open. Two options, Cassian." She said and weakly, Cass opened his arms and a bright grin crossed her face before she leaned in, wrapping her arms around him. Her grip was tight, warm. Unusual.
Cass’ arms were more relaxed, less tight. He wasn’t fully sure what to do with them. This felt intimate in a way he wasn’t used to. Cass hadn’t been hugged much and neither had Lord Blackburn. Both men were unsure.
Fiona held on for a few more moments longer, before she eventually let go. Pulling back, she let out a sigh, her hands on her hips and a smile on her lips. Her eyes scanned him before she nodded.
"I’m not going to say anything outside of what we discussed. I understand your concerns, and I..." She swallowed. "Thank you for trusting me with the truth. I know I haven’t exactly made myself the most...I’ve fucked up. I know that, and I am very, very grateful that you trusted me to tell. Thank you for that." Cass didn’t know what to say to that. He hadn’t exactly had a choice, and from the way that Fiona’s lips twisted, she knew that too. "I won’t tell anyone. Not a damn soul. The gods themselves would have to force it out of me." She promised. She glanced at Cass, glanced down, before she looked up at him again. "What was...your name? Was it the same?" She asked and Cass hesitated before he shook his head.
"No, it wasn’t." He told her and she waited. "It was Caspian. Caspian Spencer." Fiona nodded, swallowing, before a slight smile touched her lips.
"Can I...call you Cass instead of Cassian? I know both of them are you but I’d rather speak to both of you, if that’s okay." Cass didn’t know what to say.
He dropped his head, feeling emotion clog his throat. Fuck. He hadn’t expected out of all people, it would have been Fiona to get him to react this way.
Slowly, he nodded and felt a hand land on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze.
"Thank you, Cass. For trusting me. I won’t let you down again."