Chapter 129: I don’t think you’re using that correctly
"I should eat." Cass said, turning his attention towards the slab of meat on his desk. Draken’s laughter at him completely ignoring what he said only made Cass’ cheeks even redder, but thankfully, Draken backed off. He stepped away, smiling, and went to the door to let Sam back in.
He even let Sam go back to Cass’ side and cut up the food and feed Cass. The only truly unsettling thing that he did was how close he was to Cass while all of this happened. The food was on the left hand side of him, where Draken had pulled up a chair and sat previously. Sam was standing there now, cutting up food and feeding it to the injured Cass.
So, Draken grabbed the same chair as before and brought it to the other side. Cass had no idea why, but it felt...wrong that he was sitting over there. It felt like he was looming beside him, watching everything he was doing.
He was doing that, especially watching Sam as he worked on cutting the food up into bite sized pieces and feeding them to Cass with ease, but it just felt...it felt wrong. Cass didn’t know how else to put it. He just didn’t like others sitting on that side of him. He just couldn’t understand why it was upsetting him as much as it was.
"What are your plans for the rest of the day?" Draken asked when Cass had to throw in the towel. He’d eaten about half of the giant meat steak, and Sam had made sure he had eaten all of the sides he had brought as well.
Cass kind of wished there was a sauce or something for the steak, but he shouldn’t be picky when he hadn’t been able to eat anything like this prior to this. But...maybe he could. He had a feeling that if Lord Blackburn had sauces before this, he would have wanted them too. He’d kill for a bbq sauce. Hell, he’d even take something like ketchup just to feel something.
"What are my plans?" Cass pondered, not even sure what he could do. He could walk now unassisted, so maybe he could do that. He couldn’t do any of his work because of his damn hands. He also couldn’t read for the same reason. Damn it. He really wanted to be able to use the magic he’d just discovered so that he could read. It would be so damn helpful right now.
Draken watched him, his orange eyes unblinking as Cass remained silent, thinking. Sam offered him a cup of tea, the edge of the cup to his lips and Cass took a drink, swallowed, and then sighed.
"I don’t know. There isn’t exactly a lot I can do right now with my hands the way they are. I suppose I could begin the investigation and smoking out, but I just...I think I’d like my hands for that." Both Sam and Draken stared at him like he had two heads.
"You aren’t going to relax?" Sam exclaimed, before slapping a hand over his mouth. Cass stared at him in mild surprise. This was the phrase he was worried that he’d offended Cass by uttering around him? Really?
"I agree. I feel like you’ve earned a rest, Cassian. You’ve been working away this whole month while also dealing with personal issues. Your body, in one way or another, is telling you to rest." Draken was making sense. Cass hated that.
"I still have so much left to do." Cass replied and Draken groaned.
"How are you going to do anything with your hands like that, Cassian? Don’t you have anything else you could do?" Draken asked and Cass took a moment to think.
Most of the stuff that he knew how to do involved his hands. Any handicrafts were just that. Handicrafts. You needed hands to do them. It wasn’t as if there was much he could do without them, and he couldn’t exactly turn a page on a book without fingers. He also didn’t like the idea of asking Sam to remain near him while he was reading books. Especially if those books had sex scenes, like the ones he had gotten did.
They were slightly, in his mind, unrealistic, but as someone who had only ever masturbated, who was he to say? He thought that they were just there to fill a word count, not so much that they meant anything.
Either way, he didn’t want Sam, and certainly not Draken looking over his shoulder as he read. Humiliating.
Reading was a private thing to do.
"There isn’t anything coming to mind." Cass muttered, and Sam hesitated.
"You could...bring a book out to the courtyard and I could turn the pages for you?" Sam offered and Cass sighed. He knew that he would offer. The man knew him well enough, and also just wanted to be helpful. Unfortunately, he saw how Draken lit up and he knew he had to squash their dreams and thoughts right now.
"No. I don’t want you to, and the books I have in mind are not appropriate for outside consumption." Draken’s expression went slack, before a grin touched his lips. Cass did his best to ignore that damn grin, especially when it brought his already handsome face into dangerous, roguish territory.
"Oh? What kind of books are they? Are they...romance novels?" Draken teased. Cass didn’t like how he said that. There was nothing wrong with reading romance novels. Books were genderless. Sure, he had been a little embarrassed at first when his sister had gotten him into them, until he realised that romance was just an overarching genre to something that could be brainless, or full of some complexity and intrigue you were salivating for the next installation.
It was why he was so damn pissed that the ’gods’ had hidden other worlds in this genre. It was too versatile, and it obviously was damn intentional and felt malicious. Fuckers.
"No Draken, they’re illegal." Cass deadpanned, not lying and not telling the full truth. The books he had plans for were illegal, and also happened to be romance novels. Or he could pull out that demon compendium book that he’d grabbed.
He hadn’t forgotten about it per se, more that he had fixated on the things that were going to save his sanity. Demon compendium? Didn’t really feel like one of the things that would do that. Honestly, he had felt drawn to it, but he’d been avoiding it since then. Something felt...a bit too ominous about it, and the fact that he’d been drawn towards a book that wasn’t a romance novel?
That alone was suspicious for someone like Cass. He liked what he liked. If it had been about something like magic, a system he didn’t have back on Earth? That would have been understandable. But Cass had ’demons’ back on Earth. They might not be as real as they were here, but religion existed there as well.
He knew about demons.
So he didn’t need to read the book, did he?
Cass frowned, knowing he was basically throwing a temper tantrum internally, but he just...There was just something suspicious about his reaction, and that shop. Why the hell was he getting his healing tonic from there, and why was it full of books about demons?
Cass wasn’t an idiot, he really wasn’t, but he for some reason had the same belief as the others of this world.
The ’gods’ wouldn’t make a hero of a demon. So, what did that leave him with? Some weird human shit? Some weird fairy shit? He didn’t know. He just didn’t know. Lord Blackburn had been less than helpful, just telling him that some things were related, but not giving him straight answers.
He understood why he didn’t. He did. Truly. It was just...frustrating. The ’gods’ hadn’t even anticipated that Lord Blackburn would remain around when they sent Cass to take over for him.
He was supposed to try to rehabilitate this man’s image and get him away from the hero party so he wasn’t branded a villain, at least, that’s what he was interpreting the instructions he’d been given, but he didn’t know the truth. Cass didn’t know why Lord Blackburn had tried to do what he did in the first place.
Why the fuck did he need that gross staff anyway? Why had Lady Fiona been sent to get it? It was just...so inappropriate for the kind of novel it had been, and the ending felt rushed too. Cass was still pissed that they did Lord Blackburn so dirty in the last few Chapters. What had Lord Blackburn attempted with the staff? Why did he want it?
All Lord Blackburn admitted to was that the ’gods’ were probably right to stop him and send someone else. Had they shown him the end of the book that Cass had read? That was awful.
Ugh. Cass felt like he was running in circles in his head. This was getting him nowhere. He should just...go for a walk, clear his head, and try to worry about everything later. He had plenty of time to worry and twiddle his thumbs now that he couldn’t fucking use them.
"Cassian, do you want to go play with magic then?" Draken’s words had Cass’ neck snapping in his direction. Draken’s smirk was all knowing, proud, as Cass stared at him. "You don’t need hands to play with magic, do you? You also haven’t used it in a while, have you? So let’s go on a little study date. Just you and me, and we can go play, hmm? Like we used to?" Draken’s orange eyes shifted before Cass’ eyes and he felt his breathing stutter.
It wasn’t fair. The man knew his changed eyes affected Cass, and he was using it to his advantage. Cass could feel himself caving the longer he watched those elongated pupils, the second eyelid coming over and covering his eyes slower, so that Cass could see, before flickering away.
Fuck. Cass needed a distraction. This was perfect timing.
Fuck what he didn’t know. He could just...learn about something fun, couldn’t he? Then he wouldn’t need Draken around and he could send him away. He was a fast learner. He could hit it and quit it, like he’d heard others say.
He could do that. He could do this.
"It’s not a date." Cass said sternly and Draken’s whole face lit up.
"A training session then. For just the two of us." Draken agreed, and Cass stared at him, his heart twinging. He could do this. Hit it and quit it.