Chapter 10: Am I...a bad guy?
"Lady Ava, why are you asking me that when you wanted me to be up front so that the gods could hear me better?" First choice, deflect. It wouldn't help him if she knew that he was speaking to those frauds whenever he wanted. That, and what the "god" had said before worried him.
Lady Ava seemed greatly upset. She was sniffing, tears threatening to pour down her face. The sound was so familiar that Cass realised it had been Lady Ava who had been crying when he woke up.
"Why are you hiding it? Yes, I did tell you to move closer, but I-" She cut off, sniffing and angrily wiping under her eyes. "I can't say more if you aren't going to tell me anything. Fifi and Eddie will be angry if I reveal it without getting anything in return." Cass was surprised by her words. Whoever she was referring to as Fifi and Eddie were smart. Lady Ava did seem like the type to reveal her whole life to others if she trusted them.
At least she had good people looking out for her. Much to his dismay.
"Whatever you are referring to, Lady Ava, I might be keeping to myself for the same reasons they told you to keep it hidden." Cass replied and Lady Ava's eyes widened.
"But why? Everyone in this castle is so nice! You're even married-" She cut off, her eyes going wide and her cheeks flushing. It was clear she'd embarrassed herself, and had almost revealed something she shouldn't have. Darn it. He'd been so close.
Turning his gaze away, he intently stared at the statues. So what if he wanted to shatter them with his bare hands? She didn't know that.
"Lady Ava, I don't mean to be mean to start something by bringing this up, but I think that treatment is reserved for both you, and Lady Fiona." He could feel Lady Ava staring at him as he smirked. "I don't think that the others like me very much. Even my own wife." He gave a self-deprecating smile, surprised at his ability to act. "The other men, I can understand, but when I first woke up..." Cass dropped his head until he was staring at his lap. "It didn't feel like anyone actually cared that I'd woken up safely." Lady Ava gasped.
"No, Lord Blackburn, that's not-"
"-That, that right there. You all have nicknames for each other, and yet everyone calls me Lord Blackburn. Did I do something wrong? Did you all decide it behind my back? Calling me by my last name only makes me feel more distant from everyone. Add in my memory loss...I just feel so alone." Cass felt like it wasn't just him speaking for a moment. It was a strange feeling, like two layers existed but on a different plane. Like someone was reaching out, resonating with what he was saying.
"I never meant for you to feel that way. I-I'm so sorry." Lady Ava looked devastated. Cass chuckled and patted the spot next to him on the pew. Lady Ava quickly sat down.
"If you do feel that way, why don't you tell me what you were about to say? Hmm? I'll happily tell you about why you saw it after you explain it to me." Cass was excited that she fell for it, hook line and sinker.
Realising what he'd done, Cass wondered, not for the first time, if becoming a villain was always something he was meant to do. This was just...too easy for him.
Lady Ava glanced at him, looking like a small puppy and Cass could understand why everyone was so defensive of her. She was too soft. Too delicate. He worried that the others were coddling her too much. She wouldn't be able to grow, or be able to protect herself if they kept this up. Especially with the challenges he knew were supposed to come her way as they got closer to defeating the Demon Lord.
She twisted the knuckles of her fingers and Cass realised it was a nervous habit. She was even tapping her toes as they didn't quite touch the floor as she sat with her back flush against the back of the pew.
"I...I can see people's spirits." She admitted, and Cass felt his eyes go wide. That was not what he expected her to say. "I...I saw your spirit leave your body shortly after your fall. It's not the first time I've seen that but normally..." She took a deep breath. "Normally that means they've died." Ah. It explained why she was sobbing so hard when he'd been lying down.
"I see." He muttered and Lady Ava shook her head.
"No, you don't see. That's not-I've never seen that happen before! It was-your body was still alive, Lord-uh, Cassian, but your spirit was gone. I didn't know what to do! I haven't even told anyone this yet. I was coming to speak to the gods to consult them on if I should, and then you arrived." It must have seemed like a divine sign to her. From the way she was looking at him, it was clear that she saw it that way.
"I see." He repeated and she huffed.
"You don't see! Cassian, when you were here praying, your spirit left your body again. I was so worried! You have no idea what I was thinking! I thought the worst, and then when I was about to panic, the gods spoke to me. They told me you were going to be fine. I felt such a sense of relief." Lady Ava's eyes watered again. "Do you understand how concerned I was?" Cass laughed and patted her hand gently.
"Don't worry, I have no plans to die in front of you Lady Ava." Her face crumpled.
"That is not why I am upset. I don't care that someone died in front of me, but that you did, Lord Blac-" She cut off with a huff. "Seriously! Did you think I wouldn't care about you? We've travelled together for so long, and you married Fifi! You are a crucial member of our party. There is no way I wouldn't care about you." She was indignant, and even Cass could admit that the blonde was cute. No wonder everyone liked her.
"I'm sorry for speaking that way then, Lady Ava. Forgive me, but I thought you all thought of me as an awkward companion. I gathered that the others thought that way." Lady Ava took his hand in hers, much to his surprise, and gave it a squeeze with the two of her own hands.
"No! I mean, I won't lie and say that I didn't find it sometimes uncomfortable to be around you, but that was clearly my own prejudices. I should have done better, done more! How was I to know that we were both connected to the gods in such a way? Have you been visiting on your own before this?" She asked, before her eyes widened again and she gasped. "Oh! You might not remember. I am so sorry for being insensitive." She apologised easily, and got excited just as quickly.
She was entertaining at the very least.
Cass stared down at the hand she held and thought about everything he had learned so far.
He'd had an (obviously) strained relationship with everyone. Everyone else had gotten close to each other, close enough for nicknames, while he had remained on the sidelines. As a villain, that would have worked out well for him. But as a companion of the hero, it wouldn't have served him well.
It was likely that Lord Blackburn himself was a lonely soul. He might even be used to it. Most villains didn't come from happy homes, so that no doubt played a role in it. It was just unfortunate that Cass was going to have to find that out by himself since the story wasn't written from his perspective.
Lord Blackburn's spirit had left his body due to the accident, but that had left a vacancy for Cass to slip in. So far, Lady Ava was the only person who knew that. If Cass was planning to go down the villain arc, now would be the time to kill her and hide that fact.
Only his people were around, and if he threatened them appropriately, they would keep their mouths shut.
Cass sighed.
It was alarming how much a part of him wanted to go through with that plan. Had Lord Blackburn done that before? Eh, Cass wasn't too concerned. He had no plans to kill anyone and doubted he could even do it.
Lady Ava was safe from the dark thoughts in his head. What that left was the fact that she knew his spirit had left his body. He needed to confirm a few more things before he could feel comfortable with her knowledge.
"Well, that is a lot to process." Cass said, and Lady Ava nodded.
"I know. I didn't mean to offend you." She replied and Cass gave her a strange look.
"I am not offended. I should get my memory back for the most part, but it is just going to take a while. The gods told me so." He winced, looking hurt and Lady Ava gasped.
"Are you feeling well? I am so sorry. I wish I could help, but you refuse my healing. I wish I-" She gasped and took her hands off of Cass to cover her mouth. "Wait! Does your rejection of my healing have something to do with the gods?" She was really good at jumping to conclusions. This helped Cass out immensely.
Cass rubbed his head gently, trying to look sad and pitiful.
"Well, I can't say that they are unrelated." Cass told her. Not quite telling the truth, but also not lying. He had no fucking idea if they were related. He'd just got this body and he'd kept his secrets until the end of the book. "But, before I answer your next question, I have one for you. Does my...soul look different?" He asked her tentatively and Lady Ava's eyes widened.
"H-how did you-"
"It was just a guess. I didn't know anything like that. I am just curious. Worried, actually." Cass told her, trying to sound nervous. It wasn't too hard of a stretch. He was nervous. What if she found out that their souls were different? Swapped of a sort? Lady Ava's expression relaxed quickly.
"Oh, Cassian. There is no need to worry about that. Yes, your soul looks slightly more wavy, but I can tell that you're on the same wavelength. You aren't unaligned or anything like that. Were you worried?" It sounded like she was teasing him and Cass blinked. He guessed he was worried.
"I...yes. I was, honestly. It's been such a crazy last few hours for me. At least, it feels like a few hours." He said and Lady Ava nodded. She reached out, patting his hand again.
"I understand. It must have been stressful. Like how it was stressful for me to keep this from everyone." Her smile was so kind, and so sincere that Cass realised that he was going to hate it if her whole family was wiped out like in the story.
Fuck. He was going to have to add that to his damn list of things he had to prevent.
"I...I was sucked into a realm that I can only assume was meant for the gods." Cass told her, and Lady Ava leaned forward. She was clearly excited to hear what he had to say.
"Even I haven't seen them. What was it like?" She asked, her brown eyes glowing from inside. Cass chuckled.
"Don't get your hopes up. I didn't see any of them. It was basically a black void." Lady Ava's face fell.
"Oh no. You almost...Lucy!" She was clearly angry and Cass hoped that she didn't find out that he had killed Lord Blackburn with whatever they had been doing before he arrived.
"There I spoke to two gods. I have been given an important task by them and I cannot reveal it." Lady Ava's expression was one of pure wonder.
"Greater than killing the Demon King?" She asked and Cass had to take a moment to think about it.
"Hmm. I can't say one task is greater than the other. It seems some force beyond our control is involved. We may succeed, but fail at the same time." Lady Ava seemed to only grow confused at his words.
"So our mission is...pointless?" She asked and Cass shook his head.
"No, not pointless. I've just been tasked with...doing the dirty work, I guess?" That was the only way he could think of phrasing it without making her too curious. Lady Ava sat back in the pew, her expression complex as she contemplated what he'd said.
Giving her some time, he turned to look at his group of followers only to find that Lady Fiona was standing in the doorway. Her eyes were narrowed as she looked at them, and Cass had no idea why. Why did she look...jealous?