Fortune Cookie (20)
Creak—
The folded telescope unfurled, revealing the view beyond the clouds. I could see stars, each shining with a different light.
That light wasn't very strong. Saturn happened to look especially clear tonight, but the main reason was that the town's lights were brighter than ever before.
The weather wasn't good, so the artificial lighting didn't help much to begin with, and now time had passed quickly, so even the lights had gone out. Yet, the survivors in town were still busy, still moving.
The shield generator being installed at the exact center of the first-generation colony town,
the resonance spires on the outer town walls to reduce the load on the central processing unit,
the Alpha series security robots, constantly carrying materials.
This time, thanks to Nadia having scavenged a level-2 data board for the store's authentication, the groundwork was reduced significantly―and since the Alpha series even replaced human labor, the work could continue around the clock.
I sat on a makeshift chair on the rooftop, looked down briefly, and then lifted my head. The reason I was here was because I had something I wanted to ask Carrot.
I knew he was busy, so I felt awkward about going out of my way to find him, especially since it wasn't anything particularly important. So, I thought if I waited for him at the rooftop he liked to frequent, he might come up even late at night. But it seemed tonight, he wasn't coming.
'Should I head in soon?'
There was no appointment, no plan; I was just waiting alone, for no reason, and staying longer felt pointless. There was no guarantee. I couldn't see many stars, and I wasn't sure he'd come at all. No matter how I looked at it, there was no reason to stay.
And then, suddenly, the rooftop door opened and someone walked in. With brilliant blond hair and eyes that held the blue sky, it was Celestia.
I half-rose from my seat, froze awkwardly, and just lifted my head to look at her. She looked surprised to see anyone here, and froze as she clutched the doorknob, staring back at me.
"......"
"......"
I didn't know why, but neither of us thought to simply greet each other and pass by. Instead, we just held each other's gaze.
Staring at her now, it felt like it had been a long time, though in truth it had only been a day. I guessed that just meant today had felt especially long.
I finally came back to my senses, bowed my head slightly in greeting, and passed by her. Celestia, though, stopped me. I flinched at her sudden hand, looked back, and saw she herself seemed unsure why she'd stopped me.
"Celestia?"
"Y-Yes?"
"Did you want to say something?"
I gestured with my eyes to her hand still on my arm, and she startled, releasing her grip and awkwardly folding her hands behind her back, trying to compose herself.
"Ah, um... I wanted to apologize?"
"Apologize? For what?"
I furrowed my brow at her puzzling words. She nodded, insisting it was indeed an apology.
"I promised I'd help you wholeheartedly, but I couldn't help at all today. Since I broke that promise, I thought I should apologize."
"If that's it, Eric helped out, didn't he? Helping isn't just about connecting over comms, you know."
I shrugged, explaining that communication inside the residential area had been spotty because of a blue crystal zone.
Even Licorice alone had been enough support. The residential area's system was already down, so no special permissions were needed—anything important had been handled by Licorice anyway.
I waved my hand, telling her not to worry.
"More importantly, how's Eric?"
"Eric took a high-grade medicine and is still recovering. There's a fracture, so he'd heal quicker if we had bio-cells, but as you know, our store is still just level 2..."
Bio-cells were only sold from level-3 stores onward. We'd just managed to upgrade from level 1 to 2, but bio-cells were still out of reach.
The only other place to get them would probably be the medical district—the place stocked with all sorts of medicine, now filled with the Ghoul-turned patients, and almost certainly hiding some kind of secret.
'I really don't want to go there.'
Bio-cells were important but not worth risking my life for right now.
The residential area's medical district had burned down in a fire, so there was nothing to get anyway, and the one at Heaven, the mining base, would be even more dangerous due to its density—there'd barely be any structures to hide behind or to shake pursuit.
The conversation fizzled out. We both still stood there. Sensing she wanted to talk more, I turned and returned to my seat.
On a whim, I unfolded an extra chair and set it down. Celestia took it and sat beside me, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
She showed interest in the telescope I was holding, so I showed her the night sky beyond the clouds—just as Carrot had once shown me. She made a small sound of awe.
Noticing she kept glancing at the source of the metallic clanging from merging machinery, I recalled something I had heard earlier and spoke up.
"They say the shield generator will be finished before dawn. No one knows when the pureblood supremacists might attack, so everyone's rushing construction."
Celestia nodded slightly, her face thoughtful. Her reaction wasn't what I expected, but I hadn't really been hoping for a specific response anyway, so I kept my idle thoughts—like whether she was cold, or that it was too bad there weren't more stars tonight—to myself.
"Did everything go okay today? With the stuff you were busy with,"
I asked.
"Ah... no, nothing worked out."
Her face immediately darkened. Now that I saw, she looked totally exhausted—like she hadn't rested at all. The shadows from the lights only seemed to hide it.
Should I ask what happened? Or not pry? I hesitated between those impulses, but then Celestia sighed deeply.
"It's always been like this—nothing really works out the way I want. I know for sure the answer is here, but I can't see it. Even with both eyes open."
"......"
"Nothing worked out today, either. It's not just that I couldn't find what I was looking for—I didn't even take the first step."
Celestia got up and moved to the railing, sitting precariously on the edge and swinging her feet. I wondered if I should stop her because it looked dangerous, but decided not to.
It was needless worry. With the performance of her suit, even if she fell, she'd only crack the floor.
Celestia forced a smile. Did she look unstable, or was it my imagination? The clear-ringed planet in the sky behind her only amplified the oddness.
"It's all right, though. It's just one failed day, and there's still time. Or at least, there should be enough time to search, right?"
"If you need more time, I'll try to buy some."
"What?"
Celestia's eyes went wide, as if to ask why. I spoke honestly.
"We promised to help each other, remember? Just as you have things you must do, I have things I must do."
"Can I ask what that is?"
"Going to Earth."
To see, with my own two eyes, the one place that still lingered in my memory. To recall those memories firsthand. That was what drove me now.
If I couldn't find the answer, I'd just keep looking until I did. That much hadn't changed.
"I wasn't able to go earlier for—reasons—but now I finally get to go, except, as you can see, things turned out like this. Everything fell apart, badly."
"Well, after this is over we can just go together. Myosotis HQ is on Earth, anyway."
"... Really? Is that okay?"
"Of course."
"Then I'd better find ways to be even more helpful. Tell me what you need—I'll do my best."
Celestia laughed at my response. Just for a moment, though. Gazing straight into my eyes, she asked me the same way I'd spoken to her.
"Hyun-woo, did you have a hard day today? ... Why are you glancing around all of a sudden?"
"No, it's just... it feels like a confession, somehow."
"It's nighttime. Isn't this the perfect time for conversations about how your day went, or what you hope for tomorrow?"
Now that I thought about it, she was right. That was at least part of the reason I'd decided, on a whim, to wait here for Carrot so late into the night.
"Well, difficulty... I can't say it was exactly hard, but something did bother me a bit. It might be a little unpleasant to hear—will that be okay?"
"I'm from Myosotis. I've seen far worse at rock bottom. ... It's nothing to brag about, but there you have it."
I didn't think what I had to say was that extreme. Or was it?
I looked up at the cloud-thick night sky. Opaque. Without a telescope, I couldn't see beyond.
Instead, I decided to talk to Celestia about what I'd wanted to say, and ask Carrot, as well. About the things I'd seen in the residential area, in the basement entrance of the central tower—the issue with the Ghouls.
"Did you know that Ghouls aren't dead, but living beings?"
Celestia nodded. I continued.
"At first, I didn't think much about it. Who cares, I thought—a monster's a monster, and if I want to live, I have to kill them. That much hasn't changed."
"......"
"But today, for the first time, I hesitated. I was heading into the underground to retrieve a vital part when a single Ghoul blocked my path."
It was a Ghoul with the form of a child. I realized, with a sudden disgust, that it was trying to protect another Ghoul behind it—one I guessed was its mother. It felt like a monster mimicking humanity.
At the same time, though, my grip weakened. I remembered Carrot's words, that Ghouls were living beings—that they had once been residents.
"It kind of felt like it was really trying to protect something, and it made me feel strange. Or, maybe not strange, but... it's hard to put into words. To me, they're monsters. To them, I must seem like the monster..."
"So, what did you do?"
"... I put it to rest. That's the only way I could get past."
I tried to phrase it gently, but now that I'd said it aloud, it felt risky. "Put it to rest"—what a loaded phrase. But I couldn't think of a better one.
"Do you regret it?"
"No."
I could say that without hesitation. I don't regret what I did.
If I had hesitated in that situation,
if I'd wasted time and ended up in even more danger,
if Nadia, Carry, or Eric—who was holding off the Ghouls with the Alpha series—had gotten seriously hurt,
those would be the things I'd regret.
I can say for certain: if something like that happens again, I'll kill the Ghoul without hesitation. There's no shame in surviving—just a fierce desperation, as I've come to understand.
Sitting here, I realized I had no intention of dying quietly. My mouth just tasted bitter. Just a few days ago, I'd never killed anything.
Unfamiliar acts, a twisted mindset different from before, monsters trying to kill me, crumbling buildings, suffocating threats, a harsh environment that made my body freeze up.
To survive, I had to change. It wasn't just monsters like Ghouls who could change.
Remembering Carrot's words—that only humans could build the environment they wanted—I slowly opened and closed my fist, trying to hide the trembling.
I tried to change the subject, awkwardly, like it was just something that happened, but Celestia placed her hand over mine.
"I like that sort of thing."
"...?"
"Not killing, I mean. I mean the part about thinking endlessly about questions with no immediate answers."
"Oh."
"There's a saying, you know. 'I think, therefore I am.' ... Have you heard it before?"
Checking my expression, Celestia paused and timidly asked. I tried to hide my embarrassment and nodded slightly—I couldn't bring myself to outright admit no.
"It's okay. At least you know it now. And honestly, it's not something anyone must know—it's just a really old saying."
"...."
"In any case, even if our ways differ a bit, continuing to think and reflect is important. You might sometimes ignore a problem to avoid it in the moment, but that's no good. You can't run forever."
Thinking means getting closer to the essence of something. Even if it isn't the answer, you can arrive at your own. That's what Celestia said, continuing on.
"There always comes a moment when you're suddenly forced to confront what you've ignored. In those moments, when it's time for a decision, if you're unprepared, the cost is never light."
The cost—maybe the thing most precious to you, or everything that makes up your world. Celestia showed a bitter expression on saying so.
"Monsters and humans... The boundary is both perfectly clear and also ambiguous. The world isn't always just divided into two. Naturally, I can't give you the answer to this one. Nor can anyone else. In the end, only you, after much thought, can find your own answer."
"...."
"But at least others can worry about it with you. Even if it's not me, there are other people around you. People who care about you. Keep thinking. Keep questioning what's right. I hope you don't walk the same path as I did."
I couldn't say anything in response. It really did feel like a confession now. She was far more serious than I'd expected. I'd just wanted someone to listen.
Instead of saying anything, I just gazed blankly at Celestia's hand over mine.
I was flustered.
For someone used to the cold, her touch felt too warm.
And strangely, this whole scene felt familiar somehow.
To hide my discomfort, I hurriedly spoke up.
"Thank you. I feel like my thoughts are less jumbled now. Oh, and this is nothing important, but can I ask you something? I don't really have anyone else to ask."
"Yes? What is it?"
"Do you know the word 'benefit'?"
"What? 'Benefit'? Why?"
"Someone asked me if I was a 'friends with benefit'."
"...!"
Celestia inhaled sharply and started coughing, as if she'd swallowed the wrong way. The fit was so violent that her eyes became red and moist, the drops nearly forming tears.
It was obvious I'd flustered her. For a second I wondered if I should pat her back, but the awkwardness hadn't subsided, and her glare—with her tearful eyes—made me hesitate.
Because of that, I couldn't add any further explanation. All I'd wanted was the definition. With things like this, what more could I say?
Luckily, the silence between us was quickly broken. The bracelet synced with the town relayed a general alert.
〈Alert. The shield has been deployed. There may be brief issues as contaminated air inside is vented. Do not remove your respiration mask until further instructions.〉
A ray of light shot up from the shield generator installed in the town's center. The beam pierced the sky above the town and quickly spread out like a sheet being unfurled.
An aurora unfolded. The rippling veil of light blanketed the night sky. A dazed sound of wonder was trapped there.
- You really are sentimental.
I recalled what Licorice had said. Maybe she was right. I was feeling a strange sense of awe.
Watching the aurora reflecting in my eyes, I wished fervently:
May tomorrow be a better day than today.
May the thoughts I harbor end up being meaningless.
-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=
Yep, Hyun-woo definitely slow.
Also the saying 'I think, therefore I am("Cogito, ergo sum")' is from Rene Decartes a French philosopher, scientist and mathematician.
【ദ്ദി(⩌ᴗ⩌)】