He found it hard to refute Morgaine’s words.
His initial excuse for allowing Odette to prey on his blood without resisting had been that her doing so would create the Abyssal Energy grimoire.
But even after that had been completed, he still hadn’t really resisted her last night when she sank her fangs into his neck.
It left him asking: what other excuse did he have now?
Now that he had gotten all he needed from her bites, why did he still allow it?
Was he some psychopath who secretly enjoyed having his blood siphoned off?
It sounded ridiculous, but until now, that was the only explanation he could think of.
Morgaine’s answer was different: it was because he admired her.
The system had asked him to finish her off while she was unconscious, but he had refused, headstrong about defeating her fair and square.
Why would he care about defeating an enemy fairly or not?
He had never been a righteous person growing up and knew well he would never be a hero.
So then why hadn’t he just killed her at her weakest and ended the Chapter once and for all?
It might have been unfair, but... that’s just how the world works.
When she suggested his mentality toward Odette might be that of a captive, it sounded more reasonable than his previous psycho-theory or his fearing he was becoming too righteous and abandoning logic for morality.
That last idea sounded dumb even to him.
"I don’t know. I’ve never really sat down to give it that much thought," he admitted, and Morgaine giggled.
"Yes. That’s the one thing you suck at after all,"
"You think I suck at analyzing myself?" he asked, and she nodded.
"Not just yourself, situations and events in general. You suck at really getting into an in-depth analysis of them."
She could tell he didn’t fully believe it, prompting her to ask:
"You think Odette is powerful, right?" He nodded.
"Then what do you think she thinks of you? If you were truly the type to study events deeply, that shouldn’t be hard." Ryuk was silent.
What did Odette think of him? If he had an opinion on her, what was hers of him? He had never considered that before.
"I might really suck at analyzing situations in-depth," he eventually admitted. Morgaine chuckled and rested her head on his chest, her fingers brushing the bite marks on his neck.
Silence continued for a while; the only sound was the breeze that tossed their hair. Then Morgaine whispered,
"Hey, Ryuk?"
"Hm-hmm."
"Have you ever loved someone other than me?" she asked softly.
Ryuk paused.
Images flashed in his eyes; he stayed quiet for a long beat before responding,
"I may have...but not in the way I love you."
"Is it a list, or just a name?" she pressed with a slight giggle.
"A list?" he repeated, then frowned.
"Wait — are you trying to know if you were the only one chosen among a million? That’s kind of sadistic, you know." He teased, and Morgaine giggled, clearly enjoying it.
"No," she said, more serious now. "I’m just curious."
Ryuk hummed, studying the golden-haired woman in his arms before letting go of the suspicion.
"I don’t have a list. All the girl names I know wouldn’t fill the first page of a book, let alone the ones I love among them," he said.
Morgaine couldn’t hold back a smile, though she hid it against his chest.
"So... it’s just a name?" she asked.
He nodded.
"Tell me more," she urged.
"I’m not sure you’ll be fine with that," he replied, but she lifted her head and pressed a hand to his beating heart.
"Things like that make a heartbeat deeper," she said. "Things so deep you’d likely keep them personal until death."
"Why would I refuse the deepest part of my beloved just because it could probably bother me later?" she asked innocently.
He studied her for a long moment as she settled back into his embrace. Finally, he said,
"Her name is Asteralaxia."
"The Path of Stars," Morgaine whispered, and Ryuk’s brow creased.
"That’s the meaning of her name."
"And when did the brutish Morgaine become a scholar?" he teased; she giggled.
"Did you both ever admit your love for each other?" she asked. Ryuk hesitated.
"Love for each other? No, I don’t think it went like that, she confessed, though," he said.
"Don’t tell me you rejected her?" she asked, fingers pausing; Ryuk shook his head.
"No. She left a letter when she went searching for her homeworld. She confessed in that letter."
"Perhaps she might have tried to be more wordy about it, but it didn’t happen like that." He said, ruffling her golden hair.
"Ever wished she had worded it to you? Wished she said that, "I love you, Ryuk?" Morgaine asked.
"She did it in a way that was a hundred times better than that," Ryuk whispered.
His words caused her to pause.
Even though they were a whisper, they roared deep in her soul, leaving her stunned.
"How so?" she asked softly.
"She was just there, you know," Ryuk replied, his memories drifting back to his time with Asteralaxia.
"She was there when the Half-Fallen One had a bounty on my head, and not even the only person I trusted, MadWhite, could have kept me safe."
"She was there when I was confused, lost about the state of the love I had for you, and wondering about the fate of it."
"It hits harder because she could have chosen not to be," Ryuk said, and Morgaine smiled softly before whispering.
"I want to know more...please."
"I told her once that we’re stuck in this, having gotten her entrapped in my plans, and when I decided to go face my problems alone, she said, ’We’re stuck in this together, remember?’"
"Even after we went down that Ruin, and I took almost more than a year to come back, when I finally did, I found her working on the goals we’d set together."
"You know, Morgaine, people can choose to love or be kind to you, but...that’s so far you’re alive, right?"
"If you’re dead, they’ll move on, and that world feels that’s okay."
"But Aster? She didn’t just stick when I needed her the most. She still stuck with the plans, even when the whole world and she believed I was dead."
"So did she really word her confession to me?" He asked, the question hanging between them.