"So... they never stop fearing, and trying to take you down?" he asked, as Antares nodded.
"In most cases, they never will."
"Sounds sad?" Ryuk asked, as Antares shrugged it off.
"I like to think of it as a price for greater power than most. Everything comes at its price, and power is no exception, nor should it be."
"You can grow stronger than others if you want, but do prepare for them not trusting you like they used to—or even fearing you— and trying to take you down."
"Some people are fine with just being on your good side. That’s enough to leave them at ease."
"But some people, especially those intoxicated by the feeling of having absolute power and being unthreatened... unless you wake up every morning and kiss their feet, they’re never going to be at peace. And in one way or the other, look out for ways to take you down."
"I never thought of that reality when I decided to grow stronger..." Ryuk muttered beneath his breath, as Antares nodded before a thought flashed in his gaze, and he asked:
"What if you knew?"
"What if you knew that if you got too strong—or even surpass their level—people’s trust would start fading and apprehension would start filling them?"
"Would you have stopped halfway, to keep people’s trust and not make them fear you?"
"Would you have stopped growing stronger?" he asked, and Ryuk scoffed.
"I won’t."
"That gets rid of the regrets, then," he said, as Ryuk heaved a sigh before he continued.
"Some time ago, I had a skirmish with one of the Major Powerhouses, and she proposed a bounty on my head. A death bounty, with very tempting rewards."
"Thankfully, it was quickly revealed to me by someone I trust, who asked me to go lie low for some time, which literally means go into hiding."
"I was planning to, until Aster led me to the ruins of Niagara where I met you, and underwent that test and all."
"But when she made mention of the fact that a ’Find Order’ has been placed on my head by the Major Powerhouse, it sounded awfully similar to when I had a death bounty on my head."
"And that was when it occurred to me—that the same people who once sent me a welcome letter never really did anything to stop one of their own from mauling me to death... over a dumb skirmish."
"Even with the ’feats’ they say I accomplished in the First and Second Knull Invasions..."
"They never did anything and just let me be hunted down."
"But now, they’re sending invitation cards and welcoming me to a commendation party... after I managed to survive not being butchered to death by one of their own."
"And I’m supposed to go there to that event, and stand with people who in the past didn’t blink when they saw I was being asked to be killed? I’m supposed to shake hands with those types of people, try and court favor with them?"
"Smile to them like a clown so they can see I’m no threat..." Ryuk said out loud as Antares grinned.
"Sounds pathetic. Something that would only be done by a coward who couldn’t see approval in himself and needs to go around begging for it," he said, as Ryuk nodded, then paused, his gaze narrowing as he turned to look at Antares and asked:
"What did you just say?" he asked, as Antares stared at him, but noticing that Ryuk’s expression seemed more curious than angry, he repeated:
"I said it sounds pathetic. Something that would only be done by a coward who couldn’t see approval in himself and needs to go around begging for it."
He repeated, as realization dawned on Ryuk.
"A coward seeking approval, huh? That sounds oddly familiar," Ryuk said to himself, as he focused on driving.
’Perhaps, that’s me in a nutshell. If I remember correctly, I was only interested in the commemoration party because it would be taking place in the Eclipse Citadel and I would be meeting Morgaine.’
’But I could have left to meet her before... but I didn’t. Why?’
’Because I was scared of her answer once she learns the truth. And that held me from moving?’
’And now, I decided to go to the commemoration to make it seem like I ran into her?’
’Could it be that silently, all my actions are due to a lack of approval within myself and instead needing Morgaine to give it?’
’I was so scared of going to the Eclipse Citadel, because I was never sure of what she would have said once she learned what I really am.’
’And the fear of denial had paralyzed me and stopped me from moving. And now it’s even dictating my choice—with the attempt to go to an event, without really asking myself if I wanted to go there or not, deep in my heart.’
’I’m... seeking Morgaine’s approval.’
’Like I don’t have enough of it in myself...’
’When did I start wanting approval?’
’When did I need someone to say yes or no to me to bring happiness to my life?’
’When did I start getting so afraid of what people will say that I’m paralyzed to even appear before them?’
’When did I start thinking bad things will happen if people say yes or no to me?’
’If Morgaine said yes to me or no to me... does it change the fact that Uncle Bob gave me his own cultivation veins just to allow me to cultivate?’
’Does it change the fact that he was turned to ashes, just so he could protect me from the bird Knull that was sent to kill me?’
’Does it change the fact that an army of dragons took their last breath just to make sure that I survived?’
’What have I even become?’
’Am I the Draconis so many people sacrificed their lives for due to their belief—or a kid clouded by an emotion, and seeking approval to keep it?’
’I’m starting to fail. I really am.’
’And coming to this event in the first place shows how far I have fallen from the true path I started out with.’