Chapter 191: I Died, Therefore I Am (Bonus 5)
Am I even Amaniel?
"..."
The question, simple and terrifying, echoed in my mind.
My hands were still frozen on the book, the smooth cover suddenly feeling alien and unfamiliar. It was a thought so monstrously simple, so obvious, that it had slipped past all my frantic deductions.
What if I wasn’t the real Amaniel?
What if I was someone else entirely, a mind from a different world, now trapped inside this body?
What if Amaniel truly died, his life-force and consciousness snuffed out, and the words "I WILL die" weren’t just about a sacrifice, but a literal, final end?
Did my consciousness simply replace his? Was he a soul that was extinguished to make room for mine? Was I... a parasite?
The horrifying possibilities unfolded like a grim tapestry, each thread more unsettling than the last.
If this was a "story," as the System seemed to suggest, was I just a convenient protagonist transmigrated to a new world to fill a vacant role? Was my very existence a cliche plot device?
"..."
My heart hammered against my ribs, a frantic drumbeat against the silence. My thoughts churned, a relentless storm of doubt and fear. I stood there, utterly still, caught between the chilling implications of the notebook and the unsettling reality of my own existence.
The air in the library, once comforting, now felt heavy, suffocating.
Urgh...
A sharp, coppery taste filled my mouth as I bit down on my lip, forcing the frantic thoughts to a halt. The physical sting was a welcome anchor, a brutal reminder that, whoever I was, this body was real.
Calm down, I commanded myself, striving for the familiar logic that usually anchored my mind. This was overwhelming, but panic wouldn’t help.
"Hmm, hmmm."
I focused on my breathing, in and out, trying to steady the frantic rhythm of my heart.
The Baron.
That’s right, Baron had believed it with every fiber of his being that I was his son. His grief for "Amaniel" was real, his paternal affection palpable. Could he be so utterly mistaken, or deceived?
And then there was Lady Luthaire, my "mother," whose fragile state was a constant reminder of their bond to Amaniel. If I truly wasn’t him, then their pain, their love, was being directed at a stranger. The thought alone was a bitter twist in my gut.
No. I couldn’t be certain. This was a theoretical fear, born from fragmented clues and literary tropes system has implanted in me.
The culprit itself remained silent, a frustratingly enigmatic entity that offered riddles instead of answers.
There was no concrete proof, no definitive statement, that Amaniel was truly gone, and I was an entirely different soul. This was speculation, a horrifying ’what if’ born from too many ’stories’.
I forced myself to ease my grip on the book, the tension slowly draining from my shoulders. It wouldn’t do to let such thoughts paralyze me.
Regardless of my true origin, I was here. This body, these responsibilities, these relationships - they were my present reality.
The task before me, the impending doom Amaniel had seen, still loomed.
Whether I was the original, reborn, or something else entirely, the path ahead was clear.
My choices, my actions, were what mattered now.
I took another deep breath, exhaling slowly through my nose. The frantic drumming of my heart had steadied, but a restless unease lingered in my bones—a phantom itch I couldn’t scratch.
If only the System would speak.
Even a single confirmation— You are Amaniel or You are not —would be enough. But the greatest enigma of all remained silent, withholding the truth like a miser hoarding gold.
My fingers traced the spine of the book absently as my mind wandered back to the System itself.
What was it, truly?
A relic from some forgotten age? A fragment of future technology? A skill woven into the fabric of reality? Or the handiwork of a powerful being like the mythical Transcendent Resonators? Or higher level existence?
The possibilities sprawled endlessly, each more dizzying than the last.
...Enough.
I forced the thoughts aside. Speculation without evidence was a maze with no exit.
But a stubborn ember of hope still flickered in my chest.
The journal had said, "It told me..."
Which meant the System had spoken to my past self.
The thought settled like sediment in my mind: if the System had spoken to Amaniel once, it would speak to me again.
Perhaps not today. Perhaps not with words.
But it would answer.
Time. That was all I needed. Time to grow stronger, to unravel the secrets, to force the truth from whatever cosmic force had woven this tangled web.
Until then...
I slid the book back onto the shelf with deliberate care.
Until then, I would walk the path before me, one step at a time.
And...
If I can’t be sure of who I was... then I’ll define who I become.
The resolve settled into my bones, steadying the last tremors of doubt.
First things first—I had to stop the doom my past self had foreseen. And that began with the Baron.
Convincing him wouldn’t be easy.
The man seemed stubborn as obsidian, especially when it came to protecting his family and people. But with Zephyr and Aeron’s support, we might sway him. We’d present our findings, the patterns in the Hollowlands’ attacks, the Lament Shroud’s weaknesses, and lay out enough of the looming threat that he’d agree to take decisive action.
There was still some time before lunch, though.
My gaze swept around the vast, silent library, and an idea began to form.
I have to prepare for the future too, I thought, a quiet conviction settling within me.
Before I took my leave from Eclipse Keep, before I fully embarked on whatever grander destiny awaited me, I wanted to solve at least one of my family’s existing problems.
It was the least I could do, whether I was truly their son or not.
So... should I try to do something about the constant Hollowlands incursions that plagued the territory?
Or tackle the persistent financial problems that always seemed to weigh heavily on the Baron’s shoulders?
Or...
My eyes drifted across the rows, recalling a few distinct details I’d absorbed on my journey to the Luthaire Family’s territory.
Alright, I decided, a new purpose sparking within me. Let’s fix this one.
It is somehow related to me anyway.